The silent story

2010-05-14T02:58:00.000-07:00

Hello dear readers,
I have moved to another website(:
Those who wish to read the new blog, feel free to ask me personally(:
So long love.

2010-05-10T23:39:00.000-07:00

I WISH I COULD GO SOMEWHERE FAR AND START A NEW LIFE.

The weather has been exceedingly humid I could hardly take it.

I wish it wouldn't be this complicated.

I wish it didn't happen in the middle of the examination.

I wish nothing gets in the way.

I wish things could be different.

If only I could straighten out the strangled issue, I'd be the calmest person in the world. Those words hit me head-on. It's just so..... painful.

Dear Allah, please give me the strength, for You're the most Powerful and the most Understanding.

2010-05-08T03:13:00.000-07:00

It's just so odd when you find yourself thinking of what you never thought you would. Or finding your body moving towards something without your permission. Or saying something you never expected you would. Reminiscence. It contains a very implicit meaning you never knew it was.

It's just so weird at times when you wish you were indifferent, but the heart is effortlessly still breaking. Infuriating, but beyond control, isn't it? A fact is a fact. You just can't deny.

But isn't it ironic, when you miss someone you detest the most? These confusions are really puzzling.

I can just imagine the panic and dread everyone feels now. In fact it's gradually eating up every ounce of cell in my body. Something I should stop.

It's completely dull to stay at home and doing nothing productive. That is the best time where I will get all pessimistic about every single meeny thing, which is knowingly very unhealthy. I just gotta stop this. Gotta keep myself busy. Gotta do something..

Well, I wasn't exactly doing nothing at home. I had practically more than 3/4 of the morning spent in the library all alone, which is something pleasing. The silence in the library was so loud I could hardly hear anything. Everyone was busy doing their work, focusing so well which intrigued me on their abilities of concentrating. I wish I had that. It took me about 20 mins to actually make myself understand what I was revising about. Before I forget, I was late for library for only 10 mins and all seats were taken up. How irritably annoying is that? -_-

I realised time has really pass so fast I barely could keep track of. I felt nothing, but everything. Does that makes sense?

Well, keep those aside. I stayed in the library for about... 3 plus hours? Then went to meet Rena and Ash for lunch. And we had a really animated conversation about what, the government again! Haha. I had no idea how our conversation had led to that topic but seriouslyyy, just talking about it made us all burn up inside. Haha.

And after eating chicken rice, we moved on to MacD's to buy Double choc, which I had last was last year? Been months I drank one! And I had it for freeeeee! I suppose. Hahaha. There were certain parts we laughed in gusto. It was hilarious. Sadly I had to go home first, at about 4 plus since I'm going to have tution today. And my tutor's sleeping over! I believe that helps ;)

Gotta dash now. So long ~

2010-05-07T07:04:00.000-07:00

Greetings with pleasure, to the cycle of exasperating, dreading, aggravating, silent never-ending reminders to study. You just have to prepare for the worse. I'm obviously looking forward to the end of this MYE, but apparently there're bigger upcoming examinations. My reaction, was priceless the moment Aliah reminded me about Malay Olevels which is in 2 weeks' time after MYE. Can you believe that? You just gotta strive ~

I haven't had proper meals, neither do I have sufficient rest. You know what you should expect of how I look. I have been doubting my own capabilities and abilities just a few seconds ago and I'm here, back to filling healthy thoughts to myself. I reckon I may not be able to do well for maths and science's for this mid-year, when I'm supposed to score for them. Amusingly I had much confidence for humanities and languages. But I'm not trying to say I will score for it -_- I just hope i'll get at least a B for each of them. Amin.

And Amaths today was unexpectedly manageable. If I have studied more, I know I wouldn't have much worries after the paper. I practically slept 3/4 of the day before Amaths paper, which was yesterday. I had a hard time forcing myself to get myself on the books, God knows how. It was some tough shit. It seemed more like a battle to me. Come to think of it, it's no use crying over something that you know you still gotta face. Well, the fact that it's a way of comfort is completely undeniable, but depends on the situation. Every time the laziness got the better of me, it's like as though I could still have the guts to mute myself doing nothing when the world is still revolving. I nearly drove myself to the brink of insanity. But I'm glad I reacted fast before something worse hit me. Thanks to Allah. All praises to Him.

I could barely open my eyes now. Probably going out tomorrow to study. ^^
I might be creating a wordpress account and closing this blog. Maybe.

All the best to MYE.

2010-05-05T01:08:00.000-07:00

I tell myself, that I can.

Because I know I can.

Despite whatever it is, I shall strive hard.

Things may get in the way.

But the world is moving.

I can't possibly do nothing.

Because I've to move along with the world.

And I know I can.

If I fall, I'll tell myself to stand instantly and not to whine over the pain.

I tell myself, just do it.

I feel so contented having friends around me who never fail to encourage me.

I love you yguys, more than you can imagine.

2010-04-30T07:57:00.000-07:00

In life, some things just can't be explained.

If only I could write 'i'm thankful of what i'm given' a thousand times, I would, to the extent that I will cry about how grateful I am to have all that have been in my possession..

I may have lost someone, who brought a huge impact in my life, who brought colours to my life, whom has been the reason why I've always smiled. But at the same time, also the one who ruined everything.

By crying, I find it the greatest comfort to make myself feel better. But one thing I realise about myself these days, each time i'm on the brink of tears, I tell myself not to. And... it's something I have achieved!(:

But thanks a million friends, for being there for me. I can never thank you guys enough. You matter to me more than you know.

Wish me the best for exams:)

2010-04-29T04:24:00.000-07:00

Someone : Dhaniah, is it true that you've heart problem?

Me : Haha, it's not heart problem. It's asthma.

Someone : Huh?! Asthma? Serious?

Me : Yes... why?

Someone : But you don't look like you're sick!

Me : Haha, why would I wana show people that I'm sick? You gotta smile everyday! Like me! *fat grins* Hehehehhe.

Lol. Do I necessarily have to show that I'm sick? Haha. Yeah, many people said that I always look okay when I'm actually sick. Till people might think i'm lying. Lol ~ Suke hati la, asalkan korang bahagia. As long as I know I'm not lying, it's okay with me. Whatever assumptions you have, gasak kau la. Haahahhahaha.
Just know that Allah knows best.

By the way, I had an asthma attack yesterday. Was sent home straight. I'm glad I did. Well, guess I shall not elaborate on it(:

I miss percussion. I really do :( I tell myself I'm going to come back even though I have to stand down to look after the sec1s. I miss them terribly and I need to boost their courage and determination for percussion. Otherwise, the standard will drop, which obviously is something I fear of.

I miss them. I hope they still remember me. Hahahaha. They have already a place in my heart, and I care for every single one of them.
okay,save the tears dhaniah.

I don't wana talk about today.
Exams have already arrived. So most probably, I won't be able to blog as often at the moment because I need to start mugging like now. But I may be blogging as and when during the examination if there's a need for me to pour out something.

So long loves ~
Must miss me(:

p.s : i kinda lost my voice a little.. :(

You always gotta remain happy despite whatever happens to you. That is living life to the fullest! :)

2010-04-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

The secret was revealed.

I was contracted with asthma, chronic asthma, eversince I was 1.5 year old.
And I just knew about it. If I didn't ask, I wouldn't have known. I was informed that it was in the genes, so I could never escape from it. Addition to that, which in turns weakened my lungs and my immune system. I believe that explains why I've always been unwell. However, come to think of it, I'm actually considered lucky.

If it was really true I had asthma eversince childhood, how did I manage to get myself so active in sports and other activities back then? Well, I was pondering this over when I was on the way home from consulting the doctor. And I did figure out that question.

I'm indeed extremely thankful, that He gave me a chance to have the feel of feeling healthy and know what it's like winning medals and trophes in sports. Yes, it was temporary, but He gave me a chance. And I can't explain how grateful I am. If not for him, I would have never known how to be appreciative.

I'm told that I have powerless lungs, which affects my nails. That explains why my nails have been remaining horrid for the past few years till today, and it's all because of asthma, which affects the blood circulation. When the blood circulation is improper, the blood wouldn't get to flow as properly since it's delivered to all parts of the body. On that account, doctor has suggested several measures to this difficulties.

I'm no longer allowed to eat chocolates. Anything to do with chocolates. Not at all.
Plus no more canned drinks.
No more tea.
No more oily food. Which also means, no kentucky, mac, LJS...
Not allowed to swim, (ironically) due to the chemical use which is the chlorine.
Must bring plain water all the time.
Sleep early. Not allowed after 11.
Sustain these rules for probably a couple of years.

I was advised to sleep in an air-conditioned room, which will practically sneeze the hell out of my nose.

This is a big challenge for me.

This year is my Olevel year. I have to prepare for the worse since this attack can happen anytime at anywhere. It does affects my studies. A whole lot. It changed everything.

But I gotta fight this. This may be hard. But I gotta fight. No point brooding over it. It's a fact. It's reality. I gotta face it. Moreoever exams are in 2 days time. I haven't started anything yet. Yes, I'm scared. I gotta do something about it. It's usually easier said than done. Feeling sick is the worse time to study. But I have to.

As soon as my mum was done telling me about the precautions I had to be aware of, I instantly took a book and read.

Whatever happens, I tell myself, it's gonna be okay.

2010-04-26T05:53:00.000-07:00

They resemble the sunshine after the rain.

Will upload more pictures soon:)

2010-04-25T03:45:00.000-07:00

And we met over the weekend. And she came over to my place.

Captured pictures with my MP4.

Cool righttttttttttt ~ :)

My MP4 mah.. hahahah.

2010-04-25T02:23:00.000-07:00

I wish I could go to places like these, where I can relax my mind and forget about whatever that's been a disturbance to me. Where can you ever find a place like this in Singapore? Well besides the fact that there is something like this in Sentosa but it's not as beautiful as the picture above. I'm yearning to go there, and I'm going to earn money to bring myself there. I'm praying hard for it!

Allah's Greatness.

He gave us the sickness, and at the same time, He's the one who'll heal us - Mum.

It all makes sense. At times I wish I could just stay in the hospital so I won't have to trouble people to look after me, or to remind to eat medicines and advices. I should be more independent from nowonwards. Besides, there's one thing that I realise about myself.

Sickness affects the speed of thinking. I'm not saying the type of sickness when you'll get once in a while yknow. Permanent sickness. When you don't exercise, and stay at home all the time, it'll make a huge difference between the past and the presence. Well, I've been there. Am, I mean.

Forgive me, friends and family, for troubling yguys all the time. I can't explain how bad I feel. I'm making an effort to make myself healthy at all times. Allah knows best. And I'm sorry that yguys have to tolerate with my slowness. It was unintentional. I understand if some tend to judge me. It's unevitable, isn't it? They can't always do the things that will please me. It's life isn't it. I just gotta face it, be it bad or good. But I'm telling myself, from nowonwards, I'm not going to tell anyone about what I face, unless it's out of my control. Only to certain friends. Just so you know, there's a high chance I won't be saying a word to anyone. Except to Him, insya'Allah. Please don't misunderstand when I say this. I'm just trying to learn to be independent. I can't possible depend on my friends and family all the time. I gotta learn to manage things myself.

Sometimes the internal pain is undeniable. If I'm really slow, I hope you don't mind not showing. I'd appreciate that, really. But it's your choice though. I'll be abit hurt, at times. I don't wana be this way, but I'm attempting to be like before. It's just a matter of time for the process to take place. If I don't understand about what someone is talking about, I'd appreciate if you could just repeat without commenting. But again, it's your choice. Cuz if someone drives me up the wall or indirectly insulting me, I'm gonna shoot. I don't care. I may be slow but not a moron to let someone climb over me. So what if you're smart? Smart people don't necessarily mean they have good hearts. Nothing to look up to.

Just great, I haven't completed my Malay homework. Dammit.

Opps. Seems like I just wrote an essay. -_____-

I miss the past. Every single piece of it.

2010-04-24T00:10:00.000-07:00

In life, you can't always expect things to go your way.
You can't always give in to your feelings.

There's no such thing as knowing someone who has no problems at all. Every single one of us has, despite how small or big it is. Things can really be a huge mess. But there's nothing we can do except to face it.

At the age of 16, I have started to realise more about how life works, how different every human on Earth thinks, how complex a problem can be. But for whatever circumstances we're in, I've always believed in patience. There's nothing that we can achieve without patience. Of course, everyone has their own limits. But how high is the limit? At times we really gotta mull this over to have a better picture. Life can be so dark, but at the same time, it can be so bright too. But we have a choice. We always do. Things may be pretty hard at the moment when you're facing something that is really complicated, but just so you know, you're not the only one. And I'm very grateful for what i'm given.
I'm referrin 'you' in general. No one in particular. Hope y'all understand(:

I'm afraid if i'm sick again. I'm really really afraid. And I have been drinking plain water since the start of the day to restrain myself from fever.

I can't explain how worried I am of my studies. I gotta do something about it.

I gotta find the light.

I gotta find the way out.

I gotta help myself.

By the way, my aunt has bought me a mp4! Alhamdulillah! I was so silly cuz I didn't know where the switch on/off button was until Syaza told me. Hahahaha. Omg I'm so slow. I'm so sorry babe that you have to tolerate with my slowness.. Haha.

Exams next week. I'm doomed ):

It's a fact that it's Olevels this year. But it doesn't seem like it to me.

"Patience is the weapon to every obstacle. Trust me, it is."

2010-04-21T05:14:00.000-07:00

My whole family's sick. Every single one of them. Which includes me. But I'm recovering! Alhamdulillah. I'm left with asthma. Only. Which is kinda hard to overcome but still.

Okay first thing I wana highlight is,

I haven't even started my revision when exams are starting next week.(i'm so screwed)
I have been sick a couple of times this month which is really worrying.
I can only study in the library, never at home.
Which explains why I don't really like to go home early,because I know I will not study. -_-

I reached home at 7.45pm today. Today was good, alhamdulillah. I had trouble resisting myself from laughing since I have asthma, because I know once I laugh, I'll become breathless. But I did laugh anyway.

Oh and by the way, I'm targeting to complete drinking a bottle of plain water every single day. I know it's weird, cos usually I'll finish drinking a bottle of water in 3 days. Hahhahaha. Bad right. I know. If you see me drinking cold water, do scold me okay? There you go, green light.

Actually my group and I went to Nadia's house to complete our project. Overdued project. Haha. Honestly, we spent most of our time laughing, watching tv and doing our own staff. Only few contributed, but still, it was fun(: I'm actually excited for the powerpoint presentation. No idea why, but not the presentation! Please.

By the way, today Mr Poon suggested of Amaths camp. -_______- Seriously. It's actually beneficial but... I don't know. It sounds pretty strange to me. Unfamiliar I guess? But perhaps it can help to improve my Amaths, insya'Allah. I'm going for it!

I'm missing my cousin now. I wish I can go to America. Maybe I should save up more money so I can fulfill my wishes? I guess that will be in a few years' time..But for now, I'm going to save money to buy MP4!!!!! That is a must before this year ends, really. The tempation is soooo irresistable. I have $50 now. $50 plus to go ~

"Why do you need to prioritize the man when they're only an option?"

2010-04-19T04:27:00.000-07:00

OMG. I NEED TO BUY USB SO BADLY.
AND EARPIECE.
OR HEADPHONE.
PLEASE!:(

I was drenched, thanks to the heavy downpour. And I really meant, heavy downpour. I was almost blown away.

My throat was aching excruciatingly and it was unbearable. But all I could do was just to keep drinking water. Couldn't even make a sound and I had trouble sleeping well last night.

Rested in the sickbay since there was nothing that I could understand about in class. I spent most of my time spacing out, and head was throbbing badly.

And by the wayyyyyy, i went shoppinggggggggg!!! Finally! haha.
tutor ; im going to ban you from shopping.

haha, i realised i had more than enough clothes. -_-

2010-04-16T19:52:00.000-07:00

I gotta live my secondary life to the fullest.

And I will.

I love school.

Yes yes yes.

It was just me who had doubts.

I gotta believe.

It's all in the mind.

And I love my friends.

With every fiber of my being!

Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

2010-04-14T02:06:00.000-07:00

Today was a blindingly hot day. No joke.

The day didn't start off well all thanks to the imbecile bus driver. I was already running for the bus and almost boarded it when he slammed the door shut in front of me. Screw him. What the hell was his problem. Regretted troubling myself to run. Ughhh.

At times I wish I'd be insensitive and to stop being too sensitive. I wish I could take things easy just like the others. But I have no idea why it never happened. Perhaps it's part of growing up, with all this psychology thing? I gotta straighten the mess out. But I haven't been feeling like going to school. Moreover, knowing there're 4 tests tomorrow for me and a few other classmates who didn't manage to turn up for the tests.

I haven't been mugging like I used to. Subjects that I used to score drastically dropped which was demoralizing. Unfortunately, I haven't had the momentum to study anything yet, because all I can think of now is to read. Nothing else. I just don't feel like doing any other things. But on the other side, If i were not to do anything, I know it'll get worse. Time's very precious, who doesn't know that? However, I couldn't manage to deny the reluctance. It's eating me up.

You know what, not all people like to show their feelings. Depressed feelings, nervousness... and even happiness. But some people tend to pour their problems just that easily like on blogs, throw tantrum, stuff like that? People have different ways of spilling them out. Those ways may have helped them. There're a lot of differences.

If you were to ask me, I realised I have the tendency to pour here about how my day was, or how angry I am, or how sad I am. But not the root to these causes. I know of a girl who looks all happy every single day, well-known and easy going, until one day the scar was revealed. Gotten to know she faced a terrible one. It's ironic isn't it, that someone could hide the pain so well and appeared all ecstatic outside. I salute her for that. She's remarkable. Amazing huh.

I wish someone could borrow me the momentum to study. There're 4 tests tomorrow. I can't possibly screw them up. I don't feel the drive to study, and it's hard. I want to study, but i can't. 'Don't want' and 'can't ' is completely different.

Probably because my hormones are in the process of changing, which leads to this massive confusion. Yeah I understand. I just need to overcome this.

Besides, I met this random girl who was psychology challenged. I realised it's not that easy to deal with feelings. Helping someone to clear the mess on their heads is not that easy at all, but before I could do all that, I know I gotta help myself first.

2010-04-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

Happy sweet 16th, Aisya!
You're an admirable person who never stop striving in what you want, which I will never forget.
I love you! And I believe you've enjoyed your day today!:)

And babe, you're strong. You can do it.

Like what i've always said, We plan, Allah decides.

However, provided with the determination in each and every single one of your team mates contribute which includes you :)

Most importantly, is to give your best shot. Winning is not the one. Cheer up!

I had Speech day rehearsal today. It was a long day, but enjoyable though. The more I watch my juniors play, the heavier my heart is to leave them. It's more than words, I don't know how to describe. I really can't imagine myself stepping down. Knowing Speech day is our last performance, I can hardly believe it. I hope time will drop dead for a moment. I don't wish for that day to come. I may look ignorant on the outside, but God knows best what's inside of me. He knows how much they mean to me.
Dear Allah, show them.

So after band, went to meet Babe at the reservoir. Reached home at about 8.
Hey babe, I'm all ears.

" Sadness flies away on the wings of time "

2010-04-06T06:30:00.000-07:00

You guys should listen to 'Rest of my life' by Maher Zain. It's been playing on my head since the start of the day. It's a beautiful song.

I didn't expect this, but been randomly reminiscing over the past.
Recently, haven't been paying attention in class, which is really bad because exams are really just a couple of weeks away and I could still have the guts to slack and pretend nothing happen. It's bad, i know. But..

These days, even the littlest thing that happen to me seem to affect me, in different ways. But well...

And I haven't been sleeping well either. There were a couple of times I couldn't sleep at all so I didn't sleep the whole day and I stayed up the whole night. i went texting most of my friends and relatives to find out whether they're awake so they can accompany me throughout the night. Haha. But i know this shouldn't carry on. It's gonna affect my health. And it did.

By the way, been preparing for Speech day, and have been attending the rehearsals which ended about... 6 to 7? Tired, that's normal isn't it. But i had fun. I really can't imagine myself standing down from band. Well, my section members may not know how i feel about this, but God knows best.

and I miss the past. Terribly.

"Sometimes you're so scared of loving someone, because you're so afraid of losing them."

2010-04-05T05:11:00.000-07:00

My little cousin's back today! God knows how overjoyed I am! haha. I missed her like crazy...

Syaza came over today and spent some time at my house. And guess what... something happened before that...

A hot guy just smiled at me ^^ Hehe. Right syazaaa!

Hahahhahahahahaha.

Basically I cant bring myself down to study. Ahhhhhhh :(

I don't like studying yknow.

I just need to get this over and done with!

2010-04-04T02:39:00.000-07:00

When I was small, I used to think that problems are easy to solve. Just this and that, this and that. I have always thought that those actors in dramas are just exaggerating and refuse to just get over and done with it. I went, "why are they beating around the bush?"

And now I am beating around the bush. Life is simple, just not easy. It's never that easy. I was indeed wrong.

If you think you're rich, doesn't necessarily mean you'll be rich forever, because Allah's able to take it away anytime from you. Why, do you think you'll bring along your money with you when death approaches? Hahah funny. Everything will be left behind on Earth.

If you think you're smart, doesn't necessarily mean you'll be a guaranteed a successful life, because Allah's able to take it away anytime from you.

We plan, Allah decides.

Likewise, if you think you're slow, doesn't necessarily mean you'll be a nincompoop forever, because you never know you'll be smarter than those who have been achieving.

If you really think you're dumb, doesn't necessarily mean you're despised, because not all smart people have attractive personalities.

If you think you're smart, but all snobbish and judgemental, you're nothing to me.

But.

Even though how slow you may be, & if you own a heart of gold and behave very open-mindedly, now that is something to me.

The purpose of life is to build our innerself, not only our brains.

I don't always look up to those smart ones, frankly. It's true anyway. I strongly agree with my music conductor, Mr Wong.

He said the same thing too.

Allah's The Great, The most Merciful, The most Understanding.

2010-04-03T11:24:00.000-07:00

We finally met, after what seemed like ages even though we met in school everyday, but it's not the same as going out for a chat, not in school. Looking forward to the next meet-up!

It was kinda last minute actually, cos I met her after band. It's been a long day. Not only today, but yesterday too.

It's already 2.30am in the morning and I still can't sleep. It's annoying. I feel like running to my grandmother's house now so i can sleep well, i think. Haha.

Very tired but............ my eyes just refused to close. -_-

Ahhhhhhh, accompany me someone. :(

2010-03-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

I miss her ^^

Talk to you soon hun.

Haven't been blogging for... a couple of days. Exhausted, but fun! *thumbs-up*!

Sunken-eyed. Dark circles. Huge eyebags. But nah, this won't last that long anyway, hopefully.

Went to the library today and surprisingly, there was a point of time I didn't know what to study for, when I was supposed to be studying all of the subjects, ironically. Guess I was worn out. haha, but the annoying part was when I couldn't get to borrow books because of the troublesome fines!!!! I need to read badly..

Aunt and family from USA visiting my family today.
Can't wait!!!! :)

Okay, i'm very bored. So let me just do a quiz from fb.. sorry,cant post properly today...

1.Whats your favourite colour ?
Lime green, bright blue, white.

2. If you have one day left on earth, what would you do?
Apologise my wrongdoings to my parents from head to toe.
And spend my last moments with them and friends ;)

3. If someone asks you, 'what is the best thing in your life?' , what do you reply?
Family, friends, memories.

4. What's your favourite food?
Sambal goreng;) and many more. hehe.

5. What would you love as a birthday gift?
bookmark with a pic of mine or anything else. Just as long as the person makes an effort in making the birthday gift.

6. What do you like to wear?
Long skirt, nice scarf. Well, depends on the occasion.

7. What would you do in your free time?
Sleep / read / watch tv

8. What would you if some people ignore you and don't let them join you?
May be a bit pissed off but not to make things worse, will just say okay.

9.if ur SPECIAL friend got caught red handed while stealing or copying then u would...
I'll stop him.

2010-03-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

It's 5,26am, 22 March 2010.

Firstly, I'd like to send my love to dear Adlina. Happy Birthday! May Allah bless you in everything you do and all the best for your future endeavours. You've been sucha great friend and I love you to bits and pieces. Never give up in whatever you do because I know you're able to succeed. Everyone does. I'll try my best to always be there for you despite my extremely busy schedule. :/

Love ya hun!

Okay, I couldn't sleep since an hour ago. I had completely no idea why when actually I knew I'm currently dead tired, but why can't I sleeppppppp. It's just so infuriating when your eyes refuse to close and just doze off. I don't wana worsen my eyebags,yknow. -_-

Yesterday was great, I think. Especially the moments with Rena and Ash. All of a sudden talking about Singapore's government. Wana know what we talked about? Basically, apparently the 3 of us own the same mindset. They completely understand what I was trying to say. Haha.

Ash : Yes you've studied well and you've a good pay, but you've no life. The government is the one who benefits all these, but not us.

I agree with him to a large extent. Yes, we ought to study, educate well, so we'll get good future and easy life in the years to come. But if you were to compare us with other countries, what do we have?

First thing, yes we ought to study, but in Singapore, we are forced to study. We are not given any choice. But okay, this part is still pretty alright even though it's kinda....complexed i must say.

Second thing, it's the way we study. By right, we study to gain knowledge. Not for the sake of getting high marks and forgetting everything again. Then what's your point studying so hard over the years and ending up forgetting most of what we've learnt? Isn't it the same as not knowing anything? Efforts becoming futile.

Because the government will end up taking the one with the brained ones, leaving the others behind. Basically, the government's indirectly using us for Singapore's future, which doesn't benefits us in any way. They're the ones getting the profit, and not us. We study because we want to learn. However, sadly for Singapore's case, they force us to study. That's one thing. Another thing, their aim is to continue raising the economy and trying hard to be better than others.

I don't see the point in that. Yes it's for our own good, but what is life if you always compete yourself with others? If i were to choose to go JC, I'll say I've no life. Not only that, I know what I want to be. It takes the interest in what you do that will make you become successful. One perfect example is Albert Einstein.

He was kicked out of school, yet he was named Genius. Why? Because he knows that he doesn't like to study, and he choose his interests on what he wants to learn. You've to know what you're studying for till you perfectly understand. In Singapore, you've to be more exposed to survive here, which is why I choose Poly. Skills, that's what they need. Leadership, creativity. You need these in life. But if it's just by studying, it's pure hardwork. Too systematic, doesn't lead you anywhere. Sometimes you just have to accept the nature, it's how it is. We learn, because we wana gain knowledge and to build intelligence. That's the main aim. Hardwork is good, definitely. But I believe everyone is intelligent, but the way Singapore brings us up, seems like it doesn't brings us any closer to that step. Because they shape our mindsets in a different way now, in a way making us study for the sake of studying and not learning. Completely distinct.

It's pretty difficult for me to explain, because my english's not up to standard yet. haha. There're definitely more things I wish to highlight. I think i better get a few mins of sleep before I get up again for school. But think about it. I'd rather do it verbally, i think, than jotting this down. I'm afraid if the message was misinterpreted.

Hopefully I can survive through the lessons today! haha.

2010-03-19T08:39:00.000-07:00

Jinghui ; Ahhhh murderer!!! Look at your hands!

Me : -_-

Had a blast today! It was pretty fun painting.. I didn't expect myself to paint because I thought we'd be entertaining the kids instead. And I've got paint all over. Annoying, but thankfully they helped me out by helping me to scrub off the paint, so it's easier for me.

Above are the pictures :)

Those who came ; Aisya, Nicki, Me, Yufong, Terence, Jinghui, KiatSeng, Binay, Hidayah, Ahmad Hussein, Anba, Ms Koh

I'm still sick though. Initially I thought of not going, again, since I was running a fever. But I forced myself, again, because otherwise I wouldn't get my 6 hours of CIP. hahaha. It was pretty unfortunate for me since I was sick, cos I couldn't get to laugh or talk as much as I can, but well, it's alright though. I was so lazy to talk in the afternoon. It seemed like as though my mouth weighs a tonne.

Guarantee plus chop. I've got dark circles around my eyes!!!!!!!!! And It's freaking obvious. Everyone's saying it. Plus pimples. Ahhh, i don't care la. It won't last long anyway. Shouldn't worry about it so much.

This week's over. 2 more days to the reopening of school. Time flies so fast! When will time ever drop dead like before? Haha. So this week has been like kinda packed for me. Been to school practically everyday like I mentioned. Not a holiday at all. Probably not this year at least. Gotta start completing homeworks. Don't dread, dhaniahhh!

And something happened just now while painting. My whole hand was painted with different colours -_-. hahaha

Arif ; Dhaniah, show your middle finger.

Me : -showed-

Yufong+Arif+Binay ; Wth! F* long sia!

Me : Hahhhah. Tall what ~ hahaha. Compare ah.

Binay and I compared our size of hands.

Binay : Whoa, same size sia!

Haha. They wanted to see how long my middle finger was la. Don't think negative! hhaha.

Sorry if i'm talking crap. I'm kinda, swooned. Hahaha.

2010-03-17T06:23:00.000-07:00

Been exhausted.. haha. Resulting myself to being sick again... But oh wells. I enjoyed myself though, i guess. Haha. Thanks percussion for the celebration :)

Initially, I intended to give band a miss today since I was completely worn out. I still had second thoughts about not turning up for school even though I had gotten ready. But apparently I forced myself to go, didn't know why. It's not that I don't wana go, but it's my body that can no longer take it. I'm afraid I've overworked myself. ..

My throat's getting worse every minute passes. Ahhhhh, I'd be having fever any minute now. I haven't even completed my assignments. Haven't even started!!!! Ahhhhhhhh. okay gotta start planning nowwwwwww. I can't believe it's already the 2nd week of March. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Okay shall not remind myself.

I MISS SCHOOL. DAMMITTTTTT. Hahaha. Miss my friendssss :(

Ahhhhhhh. I feel like shouting nowadays. Hahhahaha.

Eh serious ah, I MISS SCHOOLLLLLLL.

And I wana go shopping. Serious shopping.

And I'm seriously serious.

Renaaaaaaa, when when when???

2010-03-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

A big thank you to those who remembered my birthday, those who wished me.. it's very sweet, really! I'm really touched :) I really enjoyed my day!
More than 7 wished me at midnight. ahhhhhh, so sweet sehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. hahaha.
I was already asleep by then since I was exhausted but couldn't help with the continuous vibrations. Haha. It was really unexpected. I was very very touched. Allah knows best! :) Some even continued wishing me till 11pm + since they wanted be the last ones to wish.. haha. aww. Thanks a lot lovessss. (:

The great thing was, having unexpected people to wish me! Unexpected ex-seniors, schoolmates whom I dont really know, and primary school friends! :D The guys actually, haha. It was really touching. Haven't met for ages but he still remembered my birthday. I really felt like crying that time.. haha. It was really sweet of him:) They made my day!

me : hey thanks a lot for the wish!:) How do you know my birthday?haha

pri sch mate : of course I know your birthday Dhaniah :)

Aww. He's so sweet. hahaha.

And of course, those whom I expected to wish unexpectedly didn't wish. Oh wells, shouldn't think about it. Still, i really enjoyed my day. It was wonderful, having loved ones to remember you and make you special (: Thanks a lot buddies. It was really sweeeeet. I really felt like a sweet 16. Heheh.

But the following day,which's today, is hell boring. I did nothing. I felt so empty, I really needed to go out. I can't do nothinggggg. haha. I need to do something. But something cheered me up at the end of the day, so alhamdulillah :)

Since I did nothing, welll not exactly nothing. I was thinking of more of random stuff acually. I suddenly couldn't wait for olevels to end. Because I think I know where to go. I think I'm going Poly. If i were to choose to go JC, I'm taking a risk. I know my capabilities and weaknesses. And i think I've made up my mind.
Of course there're other valid reasons why I choose Poly. I strongly reckon that it's way better. What's life if you were to stress yourself all the time. -_-

Okay great. Haven't started on assignments. ahhh, been lazy to study these days. Dangeroussssss. I wana meet my peeps, so I won't die of boredom.hahha.

The whole week's gonna be busy next week. Ah great. How the heaven am I gonna complete everythinggg.

2010-03-05T18:14:00.000-08:00

6th March 2010.
11am.

2009 pic

I'm freakin cold right now. My eyes are shutting any minute. Hahaha.

Band was a blast for me yesterday. I had a lot of fun, laughing hard with the sec1s. Honestly, I couldn't stop laughing yesterday!! I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. They prolly think I'm crazy for laughing so hard, haha. But they do know what I'm laughing about! Because they themselves ended up laughing along with me. Hahahhaha crazyyyyyyyy ~ Even Fariha and Rena were there! The sec1 drummers were funny, weren't they?! And I'm glad you came senior!(:

Hahahaha. At times I'll be laughing alone when I think about those moments.. Haha.

Have you ever been in a state, where you strongly want people to know what's been on your mind, but didn't manage to find the right word/vocabulary to describe the entire thing? At times to the extent you'd rather mute yourself and finally getting to adapt to how people think of you? You know, some things are just better to be left unsaid, resulting us gasping ourselves for air than asking people for help? You wish to let the cat out of bag, but everything seemed to get stuck at the back of the throat? It's all up to individuals. You just gotta straighten the mess out. Well, it's easier said than done, actually.

When I was small, I used to contemplate about matters like how to control such problems about all this psychology thing. It was apparently random, because I have the tendency to think about every single thing, like even trying to guess what the passers-by were thinking about. You may think it's a hell of an idiot thing to do, when I've got better things to think about. Haha. But I agree that the world resembles the stage.

Everyone's busy, those passing by, doing their own work and stuff... but we never know what they're facing internally.

Have you ever wondered how the way others live their life? Or what made them think differently than we do? Ever wondered how someone can still smile sincerely when the heart's breaking? I do wonder.

Usually I'll observe those people who boarded the same bus as me. I even noticed some of them have got huge eyebags, so huge I've never seen like it before, and it was pretty obvious the person might have been cryin all night but ended up on the bus looking all normal like the others. Some were even day dreamin for hell long, which I infer that they might be pondering over their problems. Sometimes you just know it. This is life, isn't it? No one ever knows the truth about how someone exactly feels. Even though how much you try to get to the bottom of it, you'll just never get to the lowest point. Because before helpin others, we need to help ourselves first, which is why there're people who have different ways of comforting. Some choose to leave the person crying and wait till he/she finishes weepin, while some other people choose words of comfort to make them feel better, which in turns implies that judgin isn't the best thing to do. Because you never know what they've been facing.

What i have always learnt, is never to complain and commenting on others. As the saying goes, look at ourselves in the mirrors first before pointing out their mistakes. And by smiling, it'll gradually heal the pain(:
Alhamdulillah.

Hope things will work out better soon, insya'Allah. :)
And I can't wait for tomorrow! :)

And thanks friends for being there for me aite. :)

p.s : I've got a lot of pics to upload. Will do it soon okay!

2010-03-04T04:56:00.000-08:00

My notes are in school.
And I've test tomorrow.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I feel like crying now. Hahaha. I don't wana fail the test!!!!!!
Can I cry now? hahahaa.

So sadddddddddddddddd :(

2010-02-28T06:59:00.000-08:00

I dreamt of something. Something that I know I can never achieve... If that is so, why does the dream keeps appearing? It's really disturbing, and I don't wish to fall into it anymore. I have the tendency to contemplate the matter, but.... I know I shouldn't. Matters will get worse. But the desire is irresistable.

Nevermind. Let me loom back to the start.

I'll rate today as normal. Nothing much exciting happened, except for the tution part. I had a lot of fun being with my student, and spent some time revising and practising Amaths with Rena. Yes, tomorrow there's Amaths test. And I'm kinda nervous to sit for the paper. Dhaniah, don't be nervous.. can do it... can do it.

Most probably I'm tired,which is why the anxiety is like, gradually taking over me. And I'm not gonna let that happen, duh.

Gotten back tests results. I shall say that it's not, that good. Could've done better if I were to study in depth. Okay nevermind, let's not talk about studies.

I don't know why, but I have a strong desire on something, which is something unexplainable, really. I don't exactly know what I'm specifically thinking about. Maybe I should just forget it. But I did forget about it! It's the dream that keeps coming.. Not my fault lor...

Oh and by the way, I bought a book! Finally I got to read a book after so longgg. Been busy with tests and cca and I had hardly any time to read one. Sad eh? But here's one! It's a really good book by Jodi Picoult, for those who know ;)

"People usually are born by accidents. At most times, they wonder where/when/how they're born. You know like, learning about those sperms meeting the eggs? But not me. I want to know why.

Those who are born by accidents are like, those who did not use condoms and eventually created one, or those who did it unintentionally. But what about me?

I'm born for a very specific reason.

I'm born by using those genetic materials etc.

I'm born, mainly because I'm the suitable person who's able to donate a kidney to my sister who's suffering from cancer.

Otherwise, would I even get to step on Earth?

Am I born here just on that?"

That's a rough summary about the book. Interesting isn't it? :)

2010-02-26T21:10:00.000-08:00

Today is the 27th of Feb!

I wish I was a kid again! It's been years since I last tied my hair like that.

I was bored, so that's the outcome of the boredom I had to endure. I was chatting with a friend that time. hahahahaahah.

Last night was a very nice sleeppp. Haven't had a fruitful sleep for like, weeks?

Probably going out later with Rena, Syaza and maybe Aisya. She hasn't replied meeee. Aisya, reply reply reply! haha. I feel like going out more often nowadays, rather than staying at home. Home's supposed to be heaven actually.

And my cousins are sleeping over tomorrowwwwwwwww. Gonna have fun. I've got a lot of things to think about ; The sec1s, studies, tution, home+cousins, section tee, etc. Sounds easy but not as easy okay? But the most important thing is the fun. So yeah... lovin' school! I'd rather go to school everyday than staying at home.... It's a total bore..

By the way, woke up early in the morning to practise Amaths. Now I'm taking a break (!!). Yeah, I don't wish to fill my head with numbers 24/7.

Study smart, not study hard!

Haha okay I sound so crazy. Sorry didn't post properly. I'm tired, but I'm lovin' it. It keeps my mind off things. But wayyyyyyyy before that, something happened...

Person : Good morning, we're from Ang Mo Kio passenger service. Is there anything that I can help you?

Me : Good morning... I'm from tampines.. I'd like to know if you've found a brown card wallet. Lost it last Saturday on bus 22.

Person : Last Saturday?!

Me : Er yea

- He went to check, and asked for my name, ic, etc -

Person : We've found a wallet here. And I suppose it's yours.

Me : Really?!

Person : Yeshhhhhh. When are you ready to collect?

Me : Today!

But I've to travel to ang mo kioooooo :(

Nvm, the most important thing is..

MY WALLET'S BEEN FOUND.

about 3 times I have lost my wallet&hp.

3 times found.

Alhamdulillah! Bless the person who's found it :)

Fly like a butterfly!

2010-02-26T06:39:00.000-08:00

I had so much fun today. I couldn't help smiling all day long unexpectedly. It's a really good day, despite the weariness. But I'm used to it. Alhamdulillah....

Band was really good. Enjoyed every moment of it, especially being with the sec ones. They progressed like real damn fast.... And I was extremely happy with it, haha. It was really amazing, and I'm very proud of them! Man.. I can't imagine myself stepping down :((( Gonna cry a bucket..

Been burning the midnight oil for 5 consecutive days, which explains why i went MIA. Hehe. Already mentioned that there are upcoming tests, so yeah.

Okay I'm really very tired......... I wish I can blog more. Sorry Rizal!

But really, I enjoyed myself a lot today :)

---

Anba : How have you been dhaniah? You look stress-ed up.

Me : Do I? I don't think so.

-He stared at me-

Me : What?

Anba : Your eyebags.

Me : *freaked* Omg! Are they that obvious?!

Anba : I guess. Your eyes..it's like getting in the skin or something.

Me : *freaked like mad*

OMG! :(

Are they that obvious?

----

It's because of the imperfections that make life beautiful...

2010-02-22T07:40:00.000-08:00

It's going to midnight. I can't sleep. So let me fill my time doing a quiz. Lol.

TEN ARE YOUS

1.Are you single – Yes.
2. Are you happy – average.
3. Are you bored – A little.
4. Are you fair – No.
5. Are you Italian – No
6. Are you intelligent – I wish.
7. Are you honest – When necessary.
8. Are you nice – Yes. Hehe :)
9. Are you Irish – No
10. Are you Asian – Proud to be.

TEN FACTS

1. Full Name – Nurdhaniah Omar.
2. Nicknames – Dhan, danny, danz, d, etc
3. Birth place – KK hospital.
4. Hair color – solid black.
5. Natural hair style – Is wavy a hair style? hahaha.
6. Eye Color – Dark brown.
7. Birth Date – 13th March 1994 :)))
9. Favorite colors – Blue, lime green :)
10. One place you'd like to visit - Dubai or New Zealand.

TEN THIS OR THAT

1. Love or lust – Love.
2. Hard liquor or beer – Neither.
3. Cats or dogs – Cats.
4. A few best friends or any regular friends – A few best friends.
5. Creamy or Crunchy – crunchy
6. Pencil or Pen – pens.
7. Wild night out or romantic night in – romantic night in.
8. Money or Happiness – Happiness(:
9. Night or day – night!
10. IM or phone – Phone.

TEN HAVE YOU EVER

1. Been caught sneaking out – No. Never sneaked out before. Haha.
2. Seen a polar bear – Nope.
3. Done something you regret – Definitely.
4. Bungee jumped – Dont dare. haha.
5. Eaten food that fell on the floor – Home floor only. Heh.
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker – no..
7. Been caught naked - never.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back – I don't think so...
9. Cried because you lost a pet – Nah. Heh.
10. Wanted to disappear – Sometimes.

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER

1. Smile or eyes – Smile :)
2. Light or dark hair – Dark.
3. Hugs or kisses – Hugs.
4. Shorter or taller – taller, of course.
5. Intelligence or attraction – Attraction.
6. Topman or Zara – Zara.
7. Funny or serious – Funny.
8. Older or Younger – Older.
9. Outgoing or quiet – Outgoing.
10. Sweet or Bad – Sweet:)

TEN HAVE YOUS

1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd – yep (:
2. Ever talked on the phone for longer than an hour – yessss.
3. Ever tried walking on your hands – I've got better things to do -_-
4. Ever been to a rock concert – Nope.
5. Ever been on a cheerleading team – Wanted to.
6. Ever been on a dance team – Yep:)
7. Ever been on a sports team – Yep:)
8. Ever been in a drama play/production - Favourite!
9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley? – No/
10. Ever been in a rap video? – No.

TEN LASTS

1. Last phone call you made – Adlina.
2. Last person you hugged - My mum.
3. Last person you hung out with – Rena.
4. Last time you worked – Never work before.
5. Last person you talked to - Saiful -_- haha.
6. Last person you IM’d – Err, not sure.
7. Last person you texted - My sis.
8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with – cousins.
9. Last person/thing you missed - the past.
10. Last website visited – blog.

2010-02-22T01:03:00.000-08:00

I currently have a lot of things on my mind. Let me list them out one by one.

Including this time, I don't know how many times I've lost my wallet. It's really troublesome, cos I have to travel to Ang Mo Kio to collect my wallet. I don't remember it dropping in the bus, but then where could it have been if I can't even find it at home? So, I gotta bear with this consequence. Never knew I'm this careless..... :( That's one.

"WHY DIDN'T REPORT? inside your wallet got ic? if yes.. WHO ASK YOU NOT TO GIVE IT TO YOUR MOM? BRING THE IC AROUND FOR WHAT? LIKE AS IF YOU NEED IT. Next time buy a wallet that has a string. Put it around your neck and it'll be with you wherever you go." - Faizah

Secondly, upcoming&past tests.

Friday

Band, reached home at 8pm+
Did Amaths homework, until something really distracted me which really got on my nerves.
Angered. Went to sleep.

Saturday

Woke up at 7a.m +
Started studying physics from 8 till 10 +
It happened again, which really destroyed the momentum.
Angered, ran to the library to study Chem.
Studied till 1pm +.
Got ready and headed to school for band.
Performance was splendid, enjoyed every moment of it. For a moment, I forgot all the disturbances.
Reached home at 10pm +
Totally drained out, checked mails.
Slept at 11

Sunday

Woke up at 8am.
Breakfast, got ready for Aqil's tution.
Found out that wallet's lost. Panicked like crazy.
Still couldn't find. Out at 9.30am.
He was effing cute, missed my student like only Allah knows.
Reached home at 3pm+
Severe migraine, slept.
woke up at 7pm -_-
Studied chem abit.
Tution at 8pm.
Tution ended at 10.30pm.
Studied both chem and phy till 12. (my eyes were drooping by then, seriously)
Tried to endure with the sudden uncontrollable coughs. Sick all over again.

And I had asthma attack this morning.

"I've never seen you with puffy eyebags before, really. No wonder you look different. " - Tutor.
Great. I think I'm getting accustomed to the constant fatigue.

Screwed Physics test. Disappointing. But nvm.
Thirdly, I still got piles of homework to finish up.
Forthly, something else.
Fifth, and something else.
Wish me the best, okay readers? :)

First say to yourself what you would be and then do what you have to do -Epictetus

2010-02-19T04:07:00.001-08:00

Today's a really tiring day. Haha. But funnnnnn!
Glad there's at least a test that i managed to score.
Laughter with peeps.
Band; preparing for last min ensemble performance tomorrow.
Reached home at 8pm.
Gonna cheonnnnnngg!
And it's a must to bring CAMERA :D
Common tests next week. bummer. but its okay, can do it. insya'Allah.
Busyyyyy!
Doubt i can go online/blogging at these days.

So take care readers! :)

2010-02-17T01:12:00.000-08:00

"The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most. ."

I could hardly sleep a wink last night. Slept at about 2am. Now I find myself having huge moons under my eyes. Annoying.

School's fun. Same procedure.
Best thing ; pals.
That sums it all.

And happy sweet 16th birthday to dear Aliah.
I love you, to the deepest pit of the core :)

Me : I couldn't sleep well last night...

Farhana : Ehem... why eh? *laughed*

Syaza : Hahahhah. Can't sleep well or what ~

Me : Shut up! hahaah.

Dear Allah, show me the way for You're the Most Understanding and Most Knowledgeable...

2010-02-14T17:54:00.000-08:00

Today is the 15th of Feb.
I've never been this livid before in my life, and I've never explicitly shown how overpowering the resentment was. I knew I needed to release the frustration out of my system.
And now I regretted for allowing the anger to control me.
Because I know, the minute anger gets the better of me, I wouldn't be able to think properly for a better solution. It's just wrong to be so enraged about something but it was undeniably unevitable. I've never liked anger to get control of me, because I find it immatured to have not even attempted to calm ourselves down. I don't get angry easily, but I just did for this matter. And I regretted.

I could hardly recall the last time I felt so exasperated. but everything seem so surreal. It was totally disappointing having to know about it. But you know, what goes around comes around. May Allah forgive you.

And a million thanks to ;

Adlina, Aisya, Faizah, Rena, Rizal, Sophia, Syaza

You guys are one a million.

Thanks for the comfort, and also for cheering me up. You guys rock.

May God bless you in all ways.

I feel so contented having you guys around. I'm really thankful for your presence.

"Yeah, forget her okay. She's not worth your concern or anything."

" Don't think about it yeah. Keep up that spirit! Allah's with you!"

"Hey,what happened? As in your latest post."

"Hey, I've just read your blog. Are you okay?"

"Dhaniah, you've to be careful next time. Your friend's really dangerous! Haha. Seriously, don't care whatever she said. Cheer up!"

"Try not to think about it. I know it's hard to forget.. but not to make things worse, just be patient about it okay :) "

" This kind of people don't deserve to live la. Just ignore her!"

And Adlina immediately called me after knowing about it. Haha :D

And sorry dear readers for having you guys to read all these unpleasant and crude remarks.

I've learnt that, we would not lose anything by remaining nice to even our own enemies.

2010-02-13T00:30:00.001-08:00

Each time I read your blog, I can already feel my anger rising again when it was initially ceasing.

I hate anger. I don't wish to feel this way.
It's such a cruel feeling. I don't feel clean.
I've got much better friends. A thousand times better.
You ruined everything. You make me hate you.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

Dear Allah, please show me the light. Do forgive us, for You're the Most Forgiving, Most Greatful, Most Merciful. Amin.

Come to think of it, you are just one freaking person.
I'm not gonna make you let me down.
Because I've got much better friends.
Much reasonable friends.
You are nothing, but a heartless alien.
Wake up, girl, before it's too late.

2010-02-12T08:03:00.000-08:00

By the way, thanks a million for the roses, cookies, wishes, and those who have cheered me up today. It's priceless. Love ya all!

I can't deny i've been feeling angry these days. Especially knowing your own friend backstabbing you and pretending like nothing happen in front of you. Unsatisfied, confront ah. Why didn't you just shoot? Faggot.

Been very nice to you all along, and you returned me pieces of shit.

Who the hell do you think you are.

You've been friggin getting under my skin, jollywell burn yourself in hell. Creatures like you don't deserve to live.

Not gonna smile at you like an idiot anymore.

You don't deserve my best, when you can't even deserve my worst.

Don't try me ah. Fool me? Over my feckin dead body.

You got me shit, I'll give you hell.

2010-02-12T06:43:00.000-08:00

I'm not gonna be a coward to reprimand you here when I can meet you in school. That's plain childish. Thanks for the challenge, I'm gonna face it. Let us deal with this once and for all. I need to talk some sense into your head. I don't have the freaking time to keep up with it when I can look for you in school. You're angry. I'm angry. Just get this over and done with. I don't frigging play 'texting games' neither blogging about the person. I'm aware I'm sixteen, matured enough to face such ridiculous problems. Why make a mountain out of a molehill? I hate holding anger, when I can always vomit it out. Frivolously harebrained barbarians.

I downright abhor prolonging such absurd matters. You dared me, let's face it, shall we?

A freaking sec1 got on my damn nerves. Sucha turn off moron.

Me : Wana try playing with the sticks?
She stared at me while lifting one eyebrow.
Beast : Oh. You talking to me ah?
I glared at her, clenched the sticks till knuckles turned bone white.
Me : Ya lah, I'm talking to you ah. Who else sia!

Bloodyhell. Still dare to challenge me. Get a life.
Complaint this to the sec3s.

Amirul : Baik, jom rembat sama dia!

HAHAHAHA.

True enough Rizal, I eventually blogged about it.

2010-02-11T01:54:00.000-08:00

Sweet right!:)

I couldn't help but to whine all day long when I looked at myself in the mirror. I've got 2 huge pimples on the left of my nose and it pretty much hurts :(

I dreamt of myself covered with a couple of vast red pimples on my face and I looked so.... terrible. Seriously. And my skin's bizarrely peeling off all of a sudden, which reminds me of snakes when they had to replace their old skins with the new ones. Oh dear. And I'm getting more tanned, I think, and I've got no idea why. Saddening...........................................

Today was good. It's been a long day. Had Amaths class right after school and subsequently English Programme. No break, at all. No lunch. And I didn't have pocket money today. -_- Oh well. Reached home at 5, finally.

Gotten back my test and I failed by a freaking half mark. I feel like banging my head on the wall for being so careless and not focused in my work. Many of my classmates have been improving tremendously and I'm here deproving. Okay, not. I'll make sure I'll improve the next time. I don't wish to agonize over it again, I've got more things to think about. But I can't deny I envy those who scored for that test, and it's actually manageable if i were to practise. Didn't study it much which is why. Yeah, it's my fault afterall. So I gotta face the music :)

Malay lesson was superb. Watched horror movie and I remembered myself screaming. Heh, but I doubt any of my friends heard me. Hahahhaha.
Okay I'm exhausteddddddddddddd.

Me : No wonder you seem so happy nowadays... so it's all because of her ;) All the best to you guys aye!

Mate : Haha yeah. Been sad eversince. So yeah. Thanks btw! :)

Me : Sure. Haha. I know. See, good things bound to happen when you're facing an obstacle.

Mate : Yeah true... So... when will your 'good thing' be? Hahahhaha :D

That question, it never really occured in my mind actually. Hahahha.

p.s : Btw, any suggestions of a good song for me to play it here? :)

2010-02-10T02:24:00.000-08:00

"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will.. "

The worse part of having it all is having to deal with it all - the good, the bad and the just plain weird.
Sometimes I'm tempted to point out how emotionally rotten I am underneath. The emptiness, it was so big it could swallow me whole.

But coming to think of it, it's pointless. I wouldn't get any better by doing all those shit. I know I gotta help myself. I'm definitely not going to give in to all these creatures.

Yeah, sometimes I feel damn annoyingly demoralized by some lunatics for the way they responded to me. You know, stuff like underestimating someone and keep thinking you're the best and everything. It's supremely aggravating, to the extent I could just scream my lungs out. It's been driving me up the wall every single day. Screw the nincompoops. Don't be daft la, what's the point getting good remarks but you're there all flaunting like you're one of the better. Stop smuggin please. -_-
I'm sorry i just gotta rant everything out. But just so you know, be modest wherever you go. Don't judge, even if you don't say, but your actions show it all and it's goddamn ridiculous. I'll pray you change for the better. Amin.

I was feeling at ease early in the morning during the morning assembly after someone just did something which made my day. ^^
But I entirely had no mood after gotten back the Physics results. I very well know,that I could've gotten much much much better marks. Due to my carelessness, I just gave away those marks. I know those stuff, I was just careless. (Thinking positive here to motivate myself ^^ )
I do realise we all have to get down to earth if we managed to score for something. From nowonwards, i'm telling myself not to tell anyone of my results despite it bad or good, except to certain friends.
Yes i was feeling so dejected that I wanted to breakdown that minute. But I was careless. in my work. I just gotta be more careful next time. I'll ensure I'll do much better than this, and I mean what I say. Physics is where I have always scored, and I'm not going to screw it up anymore. YES :)

Sectionals was good, they make my day, alhamdulillah. Loving them more and more. By the way, just remembered that I'm going to get back my chem results tomorrow. I know I'm going to fail. So please don't ask about my results.

I strongly believe, that no one in the world is slow. It's a matter of how focused they are in their work. If they seem difficult to understand, means they're not concentrating, but not slow. Everyone's equal.
Thank the Almighty, for He is the Most Understanding.

p.s : Thanks a million to those who have been comforting me. You know who you guys are. Love ya all! :)

2010-02-08T01:14:00.001-08:00

I find this picture very sweet. Don't you think? :)

I just remembered this Sunday's Valentines Day. I don't know why but.... I am unexpectedly looking forward to it. Weird.

There was Chem test today and I screwed it uppppppppp. Dammittttttttttttt.

Moreover, Chem's my favourite subject, but I hate the topic! Mole concept? Eeeeyer. But it's kinda disappointing to have screwed it up after mugging it. No doubt, I know i'm going to fail that damn test.

And i've SS test tomorrowwwwwwww!

Attended sectionals today. Fun fun fun! :) Chatted with my dear juniors... :)

By the way, I've always wanted to highlight something.

Those who behave complacently/conceitedly are really...damn annoying. You don't have to go around bossing of what you've achieved. And some even are attempting to boast indirectly. I do know how to interpret okay. -_-. I'm like trying my best to think positive but I can no longer keep up with the irritation. It's bugging me like hell. If you think you're that good, then help, not just judge. Why is there a need to judge? What will you gain?! Omg... It's brainless, really. Don't keep thinking people will look down on you or something. I mean, it doesn't even matter! Don't you think? Get down to earth, arrogance leads to nowhere. As a matter of fact, you'll be despised instead.

I despise judgements, with every cell of my body, especially to those who have the tendency to judge. Lifeless people...

Seriously, screw these despicable creatures. What a confounded nuinsance! It's irritating the hell out of me man. Omgggggggggg. Pestilent faggotssss.

2010-02-07T03:23:00.000-08:00

Here are the photos during tution:)

Adorable tutee(s)

Last but not least, my dear student, the green one:)

2010-02-06T22:51:00.001-08:00

Oh dear! It's been 4 days since I last posted! I'm so sorry dear readers...... Million of apologies.

I have been very busy! Tests,tests,tests... Plus band and piles of assignments, and I've been reaching home at 7 plus to 8. Did homework and studied for tests till 12 to 1. And it goes on everyday... which explains why I couldn't get to blog, neither watching tv etc.. I'm practically burnt out, almost everyday, but still, I enjoyed myself! :D

Gonna walk around the reservoir every Thursday with dear Sophia for some health reasons, and she was damn hilarious. I was amused with her clumsiness, and I couldn't help laughing. And I was glad enough to have coincidentally met my primary school friend! :)
Okay let me sum this up.

Thursday

Walked around the reservoir with Sophia.
Reached home at 7.35pm
Studied physics for test till 12am.
Slept at 1.

Friday

Screwed the physics test :(
Attended band practice
Reached home at 7 plus.
Packed and went out with family for Swensens! (once in a blue moon at swensens)
Slept over at aunt's house
Had fun with dear little cousins :)

Saturday

Headed to Pasir ris Beach with cousins for their birthday celebration at 9am
Pitched the tent for hours since it was my first time -_-. But hilarious! Haha!
Had games with relatives and all. Especially my small cousins, they're freaking adorable :)
Reached home at 11pm.

And today's Sunday. Don't follow the blog date. -_-

Went to attend tution for my student. He's undoubtedly adorable and I'm looking forward to every lesson. Haha.

Yes, exhausted. But that's life, isn't it? I still have tests coming up. I've still got Amaths homework, and there's Chem test tomorrow. It's okay, I can do it. Friends out there, I seek your understanding if I can't get to attend to you guys for some personal things. I'll try my best though.

AND HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO ANBA AND RIZAL! :D

Anba : Dhaniah, don't you have any gifts for me?

Me : Why would I wana give you a gift? Haha.

Anba : Eh don't like this ah.. How about a hug and a kiss?

Me : I knock your head ah!

Busy, but enjoyable! And I will upload more photos soon! Photos of today's events! :)

2010-02-03T02:59:00.000-08:00

old old pic!

Allah knows how much I missed school! Missed my friends like crazzyyyy... I was already laughing hard the minute I stepped into school. Hahahah.

It was pretty hard for me to laugh especially, because I'll be running out of breath. hahaha ~ And sorry dear Syaza if I couldn't talk much :(

I could hardly hear my own voice as well. That's utterly weird. I don't see why voices have got to do with asthma. But wells, i'm not a bio student, so I shall not say anything. Heh.

But I don't care, I'll laugh as much as I can. Why doubt right?
And besides, met Farna after school today. Her advices were astoundingly useful and I'm very glad to have met up with her earlier on after what seemed like, ages? Haha. When was the last time we met? kay, I don't remember.

I was expecting myself to sit for Amaths test today, but Mr Poon unexpectedly told me that I don't have to sit for the test, since I don't have an MC. Why do I have to keep consulting the doctor when I already have the medicines? Annoying ~ Been mugging Amaths and infuriatingly turned out cancelled...
--

Farhana & I : HAHAHAHA!

I : Omg please stop making me laugh. I'm getting asthma attack now.

Farhana : -turned and looked at me-. HAHAHA!

I couldn't help but continue laughing. Hahaha.

When there's a will, there's a way!

Thanks a million :)

2010-02-02T01:19:00.000-08:00

My mom said she's gonna bring me there after Olevels, provided scoring well for it! Oh my god.. the place's so beautiful! I hate hotels, but not places like these. They're His creations, so alluring! Subhanallah! If only I could have a house of my own, I want it to be made of wood, surrounded with plants and flowers.... Hehe.

And I feel like changing blogskin again. -_-

" Oi! why never come to school?!"

" Miss dahaniah, mcm rindu gitukkkkkkkkk. Kamu baik?"

translations - I like, misssssssssssss you like that. You okay?

" Aiyo you ah, sick sick sick! What happened?! How you doing now?"

" Dhaniah! Why sick? You left me alone in class!"

" Hey, hope you're feeling better today! Drink lots and lots of plain water! Don't worry about school. Focus on getting well! :) "

" Hey, are you alright? You know very well you have asthma, why you ran? Take good care of your health pls. "

I can never thank you guys enough for the concern displayed. I'm indeed very touched. Thanks a million, wonderful people. :)

2010-02-01T07:06:00.000-08:00

Friend says:
heee
okay la i gtg see ya aye ? (:
nanti if i drop by school i look for you
i bring poster taruk " Finding Dhaniah ! lelong !"
haha

Sweet or what! Haha! :D

Funny right!

Crazy crazy friend.

Missing school.

2010-02-01T02:48:00.001-08:00

2009 pic!

I was almost sent to the hospital. But thanks to my aunt who kindly attended to my condition. Since she had gone through what I'm currently going through, she did whatever was best to help me breathe that time. Alhamdulillah.

Apparently I gave school a miss today. What other reasons do I have if not ill right. Haha. And it's been long since I last visited my grandmother, together with my small adorable cousins. I couldn't help pinching their cheeks, because they were so tempting. Haha. And it's one of my cousin's birthday. Happy 1 year old! Well, even though she's not gonna read this. Haha.

Last week, I had the wrong assumptions about Saturday and Sunday. I thought it was Sunday when it was Saturday, and vice versa. I'm behaving like as if I'm already old or something... -_-

By the way, I had finally completed reading a malay book after months of not reading! It was pretty much uneasy for me to start reading one, because I've been reading english books all the wayyyyy! Haha. Well, I used to read malay books all the time when I was in primary school, but it turned out the opposite in secondary school. Lol. Malay Os is nearing, so I need to brush up.
Btw, I doubt I'm going to school tomorrow.

The happiest thing I wana announce is..........
MY COUSINS ARE STAYING OVER FOR ABOUT A YEAR IN ABOUT 2 WEEKS' TIME!!! :D

Me : Aunt... that time when I ran-

Aunt : 2.4 isit? You shouldn't run!

Me : -stunned-

Aunt : You're not even allowed to jog. You were breathless, weren't you?

Me : *nodded*

Aunt : If you get asthma attack, there'll be high chances you're not able to breathe again. So you better get a letter from your doctor to excuse you from physical activities.

Me : Which means I'm not allowed to get involve in sports?

Aunt : It's not that you're disallowed, you can't.

Me : Oh. okay.

But I'm not sad. Not now. Because i'm in a good mood. Haha :D

Oh before I forget, I just knew that being lonely isn't a good thing. Because it's the time when the devil will influence you to think of the negative things and you are prone to be affected. So dear readers, please refrain yourself from living in solitude because it leads you to nowhere. Be with friends/family more often okay! :)

2010-01-30T02:24:00.000-08:00

Me : Join netball. Make me proud.

Sis : Why must I join netball?

Me : It keeps you fit. You'll be healthy.

Sis : Ohhhh. I know why. Because you were a netballer!

Me: Haha, I was. But it's different now.

Sis: You were so engaged in sports! I remembered you running so fast!

Me : I was.

Sis: But why didn't you join netball?

Me: Because I can't. I wish I can.

Sis: Why can't?

Me: Asthma.

Sis : Oh.

-silence-

Me : Do you know how much it hurts to give up on sports?

Sis : I know..

Me: And some say I suck in it. How do you feel like when you used to love running, and suddenly you lose a leg. Isn't it equivalent to having asthma? Asthma can make you die when you're breathless.

Sis : I know.

Me : Sports meant everything to me.

Sis : *sobs*

Me : Why are you crying?

Sis : You make me sad.

Me : At least Allah gave me the chance to feel sporty so I'm thankful. :)

Do I have to be sporty to be desirable?
Haha. That's life, isn't it? :)

But the yearn for the past was overpowering.

2010-01-29T19:31:00.000-08:00

& million thanks to those who were concerned about my condition. :)

Sick, worse.

2010-01-29T04:01:00.000-08:00

Dear junior!

Allah knows how sore my throat is. I could hardly eat or drink. It'll hurt when the food/water goes down my throat...

I woke up feeling all light-headed. I intended not to turn up for school today, because I felt horrible. My throat was killing me, and my asthma's deteriorated. Breathless. Yes, I'm sick now. But insisted on coming to school because there were tests and I've already studied for them. I don't wish to let my efforts go to waste since I mugged for it like, till midnight? -_- And english test was......... normal. I know I could've done better but I was really feeling sick at that point of time. And I could've scored full for POA!!! Thanks to my recklessness. Damnnn.

Since I had sore throat, I was not able to speak loud, or give instructions to the section. Raising voices was hard for me, so Zoey&Sophia helped me out, thank goodness, since Fatin had to attend to something else. But overall it was still good though :)

Now my voice like ROCKER. :(

You just have to laugh.

2010-01-27T02:09:00.000-08:00

HAHAHA!

School was fine, as usual. Was taken aback by the sudden numerous upcoming tests, and at the same time, more assignments coming up. Great. But it keeps me busy, so, I'm indeed behaving very optimistic here :)

And the girls came over to complete our english summary. It was a hell lot of fun :)

Upcoming tests : Amaths, SS, Geog, Poa, Eng essay, Phy.
I can do it... i can do it...

By the way, I woke up late today -_-. But I managed to reach school in time :)
Woke up at 6.45am, can you imagine? -_-. Usually i'll take more than half an hour to get ready and all but in 30 mins, I was practically at the bus stop. Winks^^. Had a delicious dream, could hardly believe myself in Australia for further studies.. and I rode on a dolphin unexpectedly since it pulled me into the water. Haha. Ironic dreams, dreams I can never obtain. Haha.

And now I'm beat. The day turned out good, alhamdulillah :)

Me : Eh, how to do this question? Explain uh.

Syaza : Which part you don't understand?

Me : The S. Why teacher's S is on top? Mine's at the bottom.

Farhana : HAHAHAHA!

Me : -blur-

Few secs later..

Me : Ooooops!

Get it? Haha :D

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

Damn it, there's PE tomorrow. Ughhhhhhhhhhh.

I hate the teacher. Heh.

Don't cry, but smile because it happened :)

2010-01-25T01:42:00.000-08:00

There'll be a point of time, when you realise that each and everyone of us is perfectly imperfect. Not only about imperfection, but realising you've got to do something about it. You really got to. :)

School was better towards the end. Didn't have the mood to talk to anyone in the morning. I couldn't help thinking about it but I knew there was no chance I'm going to let the times in school to a waste by dwelling over it. But i know I gotta change. I will. For the better. Realised I shouldn't have pulled a frown in school. Must be professional, if you understand me :) And I have learnt to be more understanding after whatever happened. Thank Allah.

There was phototaking today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

I was ridiculously paranoid about my hair, and I almost asked everyone if my hair was okay -_-. My close friends should know me well enough about that. Haha :D But it was fun though, especially during the funshots.

Syaza : Dhaniah! Faster hug the teacher!!

I : - immediately placed my hand around ms Koh since they're about the snap the photo -_--

Haha. Surprisingly I was awake throughout most of the lessons, except for Emaths. I could barely understand what the teacher was babbling about. And Malay lesson was normal as usual :)

Had sectionals after that, and it was fun, duh, since we've an upcoming ensemble performance. I hope it will turn out good... I could recall myself laughing a lot that time :D . I'm missing them now!

Every moment you smile, the pain will gradually heal. You won't regret smiling :)

2010-01-24T07:32:00.000-08:00

It's the school that I'm talking about.
Some of them make me think I'm brainless.
Stop feigning.

Sick :(

2010-01-24T01:07:00.000-08:00

Like real only this kid.. haha :D But cute!

I'm officially sick. No doubt.
Cold sweats, breathless, woozy and especially flu. And i think fever's coming soon. If I'm really falling sick, please let it be on Thurs. Heheh :D

Been feeling peculiarly cold yet perspiring. Suffering painfully from flu, but surviving. Hopefully. But I made it through this morning since I was all focused on doing my homework :) Unintentionally woke up at 7 so used the time to complete my homework. But only half of it's done -_- Still have a few more to go.

And one more thing, I've been eating alot. Like really. I think I've gained weight :( Sleep, eat, sleep, eat. Lazy me. But it's because i'm sick, thats why. Heh.

Guess I should rest now. i'm practically swooning.

Friends don't judge each other. And if you really don't, don't make me feel small. I may be very slow, but you're not facing what I'm facing. You don't say but you showed.

Busy busy busy

2010-01-21T01:05:00.000-08:00

I still remember those times. Haha Memorable times. :D

I woke up feeling uneasy. Empty. Dark. But I'm trying to think positive here...

I strongly think that I'm going to be sick soon. -_-

I could hardly pay attention in class these days. Been feeling all uncomfortably queasy and my throat's killing me. Asthma's back, expected. I hope I'll feel better soon.

I headed to school with a heavy heart, surprisingly. Not exactly because of school.... I don't really know how to say it here. But friends have apparently made my day. One thing I realise is, I can never be alone. Otherwise I'll be back to mulling over nonsensical stuff, which I despise the most.

Mr Poon was really nice! He gave the whole class each a mango pie, and it was delicious, duh. Haha. I was starving at that moment.

Excused from PE for medical reasons, and the exasperating PE teacher was annoyingly unreasonable. If I'm sick, what do you expect me to do? -_-

Everyone complained after that. And not forgetting, the doctor I consulted was an Eurasian, a guy with clear blue eyes. Allah knows how fast my heart was pounding. Haha :D Ssshhhh. Mesmerized... Haha! And he is young, obviously. But it was just for a moment though. If only I can decide on which doctor to consult the next time, that would be great isn't it? Haha :D

And by the way, gonna be busy from now onwards. Really busy.

My body's heating up. I think I'm going to have fever soon..

Silly me.

2010-01-19T03:34:00.000-08:00

Happy sweet 16th birthday Zakiah dear! :D

I love love love love love you! :)

I feel stupid today. Been acting impulsively without bothering to think twice. I was absolutely blur during lessons, and I feel so... kinda demoralized actually. I felt so small but still, I forced myself to get myself into sharper focus. I don't know, I hated that feeling. But I'm glad Farhana helped me out. One good thing I'm touched about her, is because she's never made me feel so small like I always do. Even though how blur sotong I am, (and she knows it), but she still asks me when she's in need of help for certain questions. That was when I realise I should buck up and be more aware of the upcoming Olevels..... But sometimes I just can't help it =_=

Farhana : If Taylor Lautner were to marry Taylor Swift, what will you call Taylor swift?

I : err.... Taylor Taylor?

Farhana : *burst into laughter* Is there such thing?! Haha!

I : -blur-

Farhana : Taylor Lautner lah!

I : OH!

-------------

Sophia : Eh, do you have the 'Lord of the Rings' score?

Some percussionists : Huh? 'Lord of the Rings' score?

Sophia : Oops! Lord of the dance! -_-

Section : =_=

And band today was gooooooood! :)

Not only band, the day turned out fine towards the end.

Heavy, heavy eyelids.

2010-01-18T01:01:00.000-08:00

I've been exhausted almost everyday. Not sure why, most probably because of my limited energy... Okay don't remind me. I don't wana think about my health. Heartbreaking..

I'm supposed to go to the polyclinic today, but postponed since my mum's at home. I can't attend PE lesson this Thursday, which is the reason why I need to consult the doctor.

Visited the library with the usuals at Bedok Library, unplanned again. Haha :D
But funnnnnnnnnnnn! Something hilarious happened, ssssssh. Haha, let me ask you a question. Don't you find it ironic when, instead of the guy going to the girl, the guy called the girl to come to him and unknowingly took out his phone and said, "can i have your number?" .
And when girl1 refused, he called girl2 and asked for her number. Whoa, can choose some more! Hahaha. Crap!

Rena : hey wana go prima deli?
Mai : huh?
Rena : Wana go prima deli? We buy waffles?
Mai : Huh?
Rena&I : Buy waffles! At prima deli!
Mai : OH!
Rena&I : -__-"

Haha Mai mai ~ ;P

And btw, I'm starting my tution tonight! :D
Not a male, female la ^^

p.s ; sorry for not writing properly for this post. Too tired. heh. I know, my english's all over the place -_-

2010-01-15T18:12:00.001-08:00

By the way, I guess I'd forgotten to highlight something.

About the Olevel results, congratulations to those who have managed to achieve excellent results. Pardon me for congratulating you guys late, here in this blog, i mean. But honestly, my emotions were stirring up when I was watching you guys receiving the results. One heck of a moment, I almost brokedown though, haha. I could already imagine myself sitting there, waiting for the results. But there's only one thing I can't imagine. What would be my first reaction if I were to reveal my future results?

And another thing, I've known 2 of my friends who'd gotten distinction in english as mentioned in the previous post. New friend and dear senior, Fariha. Well, i'm not at all surprised that she managed to score so well for that subject, because I've always known her as the one with the good English. Haha. Congrats once again!

Oh no, I'm reminding myself about Olevels again -_-

What a day.

2010-01-15T06:08:00.000-08:00

After what seemed like ages, I've finally gotten myself a book to read.
And I'm utterly pleased about it! Heheh, I missed reading more than I can explain, and besides, it's also a way of updating my dictionary. I can't imagine my life without books. They're to die for, man.

My new friend's gotten 10 points for his Olevels! My goodness, damn amazing. I can feel myself turning green with envy, lol. It makes me really scared to face this year. Furthermore knowing he achieved distinction for English! How incredible is that? I gotta work hard, must must must. English is a musttt! Because I love English :)

I practised Amaths earlier on! And I'm really glad i've managed to understand the previous unfathomable questions about my homework. It turned out much easier than I thought it would be.

Oh btw, I haven't mentioned about today, have I?

I have explicitly informed that I've gotten books, which implicitly means I went to the library today. With who? Faizah! :D

We spent a fair bit of time rambling at TM, and we've been going back and forth from TM to CS, and vice versa. And I remembered going to the phone shop. Wth, i'm longing for this particular phone, but too bad I gotta wait for another year. -_- Provided scoring well for Os!!! Yes, I gotta convince my parents.

Sorry this post's pretty dry. I'm currently feeling pretty bad. But there's nothing to worry about. Guess I'm used to it...

How do you feel when you have to give up on something you're passionate about?
It's pain-stakingly heartbreaking.

another tiring day.

2010-01-14T06:54:00.000-08:00

I took a nap at about 5.30pm and woke up at 8pm+ -_-

I was supposed to have an hour of nap, not 3 hours plus! See how undisciplined I am...

Rushed to do homework, even though there's no need for me to do it now since the due date's next week, but it's Amaths. So I know I've to practise. I hate saying 'i don't know' when a friend asks me questions. I realised I haven't been paying attention in amaths class although I was looking at the whiteboard. But apparantly my mind was elsewhere =_=. No wonder teachers hate students saying that phrase. I perfectly understand why now, haha :D

Yes I'm worn out...... But I likeeeeee! It keeps me busy than doing nothing. That's a silent killer for me.

And now my ex-malay classmate's teaching me Amaths via msn, which helps me a lot. Explanations via msn do work at times! :) I'm glad they're helpful and patient enough to endure my slownessssssss. I feel so embarrassed for not knowing how to answer even the simplest question :(

I can't demoralize myself....

And PE sucks today. I was on the verge of tears. But come to think of it, it doesn't get any better though. So just gotta live with the presence.

Exhausted.

2010-01-12T07:07:00.000-08:00

I'm all drained out, only God knows.

I forced myself to complete those assignments. It was a total dread.....
My head's been spinning real badly, gotten worse after each minute......

But i enjoyed being busy though :)
Okay i'm very tired now.
Shall blog another time soon okay :)

Lazyyyyyyyyy!

2010-01-10T05:41:00.000-08:00

The cramps are killing meeeeee. And I'm trying my best to endure.. Haha.

Yesterday was great! :) I was unexpectedly allowed to visit Temasek Poly yesterday with Rena, Mai, Seri, Anba and some other chinese peeps. There were a variety of courses and my mind was totally blank, confused, with all those courses. (seemed like as though i've finished Olevels -_-)

Anba was surprised to see me.Lol. I know he missed me, haha!

By the way, I've decided to take Psychology course ^^

My legs were so wobbly I could hardly stand. We roamed around the school and didn't realise the time was flying so fast. So, reached home at, 8 again?

I'm actually very lazy to blog..... I'm bored out of my brains now.... I've Amaths homework to complete, but I've not a single idea on how to do... and I know I'm dead meat.... because I'm going to be behind time..... but I'm very thankful that 3 of my friends offered to help me... But I'm scared if I'm too dependent on them..........

CCA EXHIBITION!

2010-01-08T18:57:00.000-08:00

Presenting, my drummers!

Only Allah knows how fun it was today. ^^

Whenever I think of my section, I could already feel the lump in my throat. I can't bear leaving them after raising them in becoming good drummers. Just look at them now, there're already more than 2 of them who are able to play the drumset! It's because of them I come to band. And I adore each and everyone of them despite knowing one of them to be the constant irritant, but STILL. They still make me laugh on every single practice, how can I forget all those times?

Leaving band&percussion is like the last thing I wana do. Especially after each performance, the band never failed to cheer for us and the minute they did, I could feel my section feeling more at ease and gradually releasing the nervousness. When we were playing the trash cans, I knew I'd be crying any minute by then. Haha. It's so saddeningggg :((

After school, went to have dinner with the other bandmates, UNPLANNED. Haha, and I enjoyed most of the time there. Got to joke around with them, and it seemed like years since I last felt myself feeling so contented. I'm on cloud nine! Haha :D

And home sweet homeeeeeeeeee, at 8? haha :D
Alhamdulillah.....

Restless.

2010-01-07T05:52:00.001-08:00

I'm currently feeling abit blue...

It's ironic, when this minute you feel so happy and the next minute feeling all disorientated. I just need to get the frustration and resentment out of my system. I've been frowning almost the whole day. I realised I could no longer pretend to smile when I'm internally feeling unwell.

Today's bad.
That's all.

2010-01-06T04:41:00.000-08:00

I can be this insane. Hahaha :D

Surprisingly, sectionals today was really not bad. I enjoyed the practice ^^ (except for the section meeting, i could feel my anger rising, which only fatin knows)

Alhamdulillah, today was a thumbs-up! Everything started from the start of the day. I was almost late for school
-_-

I was running for the bus when the bus left me even though the bus driver saw me running! Grr. I was already fuming by then. I panted so badly!

And another thing, I don't know how to tie a tie. Thank goodness I managed to enter the school before the gate's locked, and everyone was already settled. Embarrassed, duh. But who cares, I was panicking about the tie. And when I sat down, Farhana, who was sitting behind me, was already laughing like there's no tomorrow when she saw me -_- Yes, because she's the one who's supposed to help me tie! Haha. Hilarious, seriously.

Sectionals was fun, yadayadayada.

I don't have the mood to blog actually, haha, to top it all, today's fun, alhamdulillah! :)

I'm loving school. Alhamdulillah.

First day of school!

2010-01-04T05:17:00.000-08:00

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! :D

Syaza hates this pic, haha.

Apparantly I was excited for the first day of school.
Andddd it was very much enjoyable! *fat grins*

Coincidentally sat beside Farhana, and Syaza's sitting in front of me :)))
I've got great partners this year. Hehehe, not trying to say my previous years' partners were not good, but i'm glad I get to sit with my mates!

I remembered repeating this particular phrase over and over again to Farhana,
"Alamakkk, i'm already sec4 seh! " Honestly, it's still unbelievable to me. And I'm going to sit for Olevels this year!!!!

Syaza came over today, to complete our incomplete assignments, and duh, obviously we weren't in the mood to do them since we were so worn out and we dreaded doing them. Sigh sigh sigh.

But I love schoolllllllllll! All thanks to Allah :)

2010-01-03T05:34:00.000-08:00

ya ya ya ya i know! Tomorrow's school!!! Soooooo unbelievable!

There're more pictures actually, will upload them soon. Babe, send me fasttttt!

Oh dear, how can I possibly go to school with gruesome puffy eyebags! It's horrible.

Been spending one and a half day with Babe, and thankfully I've managed to complete a few of the incomplete assignments. Amaths was a killer!!! I dreaded doing it, because I'm totally clueless.

Yesterday ; headed to East point with Babe to collect my very very beloved phone. I miss it so much, been dying for it to return home and now it's safe and sound in my hands :) So anyone, those who miss texting me, you're welcome to call or text me again. Hehehe.

And something hilarious happened to ME. Babe witnessed it all.

We were making our way to the bus stop when I felt something pulling my skirt from the side. Someone behind us was ringing the bell which irritated the life out of us, and Syaza muttered under her breath, "Grr, relax uh," to that irritant. And when we turned behind, was I surprised! A cat was playing with the string skirt of mine and everyone was watching. Omg. I couldn't have been more embarrassed. So the string came off. But well, I don't have the heart to just snatch the string away from it so I left it to the cat. Goans.

There's something else I'd like to highlight about actually, when it's supposedly to be mentioned the previous post.

Like I mentioned, 2009 has taught me a whole lot of new horrible&sweet moments. Those tragic moments... those moments when I got so embarrassed.... those moments when I was soooo happy& relieved. And more. But there's one thing, very special that happened to me. And it's very true.

I'm glad, very glad indeed, that Allah saved me from those 2 freaks. Otherwise I'd be involved in darkness, where I see no one and will eventually live in solitude. I was one step closer to the entrance when He The Almighty saved me. The first thing that came into my mind was, why did things never flow as smoothly as I expect whenever it comes to that topic. And I'll eventually start looking down on myself, start feeling all blue absurdly, thought of those nasty things about myself. But someone told me before, things get worse before they get better. And there's never such a thing when things happen for no reason. It's perfectly undeniable, because I can see the reason now. And now I'm glad that it happened. I'm very relieved, and I could feel Him looking after me so well.

Alhamdulillah. I can never be thankful enough to Him.

I'm relieved I've been solo :D

AND SEE YA GUYS TOMORROW :D

Make sure I'm the first one for you to say Hello. :)

And i've learnt to blast the music in my ears as loud as possible whenever someone got on my nerves. Cheers! It works.

2010-01-01T22:30:00.000-08:00

Firstly, Happy New Year, 2010! Fast aye? I can't believe I'm going to sit for Olevels this year. Oh nooooooooooo. I'm ironically reminding myself about Olevels -_-.

I said, "Time flies so fast aye?"

Someone said, " Haha. Time flies fast when you're having fun."

I couldn't have agreed more on that.

2009 has been a whole new experience for me. I'm not lying, but I'm still surprised at how fast time flies, especially when realising I'm already going to be 16!! Secondary 4! For goodness sake. Honestly, I can anytime shed a tear thinking about the past, about the times I've gone through just the previous year. Even how shitty those moments can be, it's something new that I've learnt, which eventually raised my neglected awareness.

It was the year when I've figured out the true meaning of friendship and relationship. When I've discovered more friends, knowing more about them, when things have starting working well, when friends start to care more about each other. The moments were so sweet I almost cried. It was a huge change, huge difference from what I've noticed.

Well, especially moments when I go out with them. For instance, those crazy times when I amusingly couldn't differentiate between 'push' and 'pull' the door. Apparantly I was too oblivious to the sign I barely noticed. Well, usually this happens when I go out with Rena. Haha ^^. And when the word 'merepek' mispronounced as 'krepek', and this goes especially for Faizah, who never stop teasing me of my pathetic lameness, which is only God knows how humiliating it is. Speaking of which, I've always told her about my embarrassing moments, because I used to call her right away after it happened. And Aisyah, who loves to play ironic games with me, and I could still recall her saying "It's ironic when someone who's botak insist on going to the barber shop. " And she was already laughing hysterically. And Syaza, who never fails to succeed in avoiding me each time I wana hit her, and she'll go laughing at me because I keep failing! Ugh! Haha :D And of course, there's a lot more! Including my beloved percussion section :)

And for this year, I've thought about more than a couple of ammendments to make. I make sure I don't embarrass myself anymore. That's one thing, haha, and another thing, to concentrate on studies, be more outgoing/happy-go-lucky, laugh more often, live every moment in school and avoid crushes.

Probably it's gonna be another tough year for me to endure this year, but who cares, it's life. I believe everyone of you knows the meaning, 'no pain no gain' which is undoubtedly true! That explains everything, and it's the individual that stands out the difference ;)

May we be blessed for the wonderful year ahead :)

I promise you, laughing is the best medicine.

Bad.

2009-12-30T05:16:00.000-08:00

I feel terrible.
Very terrible.

I don't feel like talking to anyone now.

When boredom strikes.

2009-12-30T01:30:00.000-08:00

This is how I'll look like when I'm bored. Haha. ewwwww.

My stomach's been growling since the past few hours! :( And it's nice of my primary school friend to have asked me out to eat. But well, I turned down his offer, I know I couldn't.

I had been eating chocolate waffles for the past 3 consecutive days. I was supposed to have breakfast with Liting at Mac today but Liting ended up the only one eating. Since I had forgotten to bring my money, I had to walk out and buy food instead, which is the waffles. And I was so pissed at their service. In fact, 2 people got me so annoyed!

When I went to Mac and asked about the burgers, they gave me this mock sympathy look. Wth. I was already asking nicely and instead of smiling back, she pulled a face. I could already feel my blood pumping.

And another one, when I went to the waffles shop, the woman was giving me this cold stare. What did I do, you tell me! I was smiling and asking nicely and all she did was just stare and nod. And she had this unfriendly look, like she's not pleased with my presence. Hello, i'm the customer here. -_-

There wasn't even a smile! Not even a single effort. What kills to smile?! On that instant, I had a strong urge to just walk out on her and refuse to buy. But instead, when she returned me my money, I just took the money and left without leaving a word. Omg don't they know basic manners? -_-

After eating, headed to the library and Faizah arrived a few minutes later. I could hardly focus, no idea why. After about an hour, headed straight to school and ended up only Lizah and I attended the meeting -_-. Thank goodness Eion was there to help us. And we had quite a long chat. Haha.

And here I am. & my cousins' sleeping over againnnn! :)

Your smile glows.

Terrible day.

2009-12-29T05:24:00.000-08:00

Band was a total dread.I couldn't believe myself walking to school for band. Moreover when we were informed that the important members didn't get to turn up for practice today.

It seemed like my heart was pumping it's way out of my chest when the moment I started playing. I was so scared, but I knew I had to do it anyway, and i silently motivated myself to just give it the best and let go of the nervousness. I'd gain nothing with the unnecessary feeling. But to sum it up, the practice was painfully horrible. I guess I don't have to elaborate further about it. It's totally ruined my mood.

And Fatin, give it a rest alright. Don't take his words so seriously, you know you're better than what you think you are. You know yourself best. So why care about what he's critisized you? Right? Shake it off pal!

Rena and I ended up at the reservoir with our chocolate waffles, all thanks to her. I honestly feel very bad since she has to pay for my waffles. I promise i'll pay you back k mate? :) And I believed i talked too much earlier on, haha. I kinda blurted out almost everything, those things that have been distracting me. And I'm glad that I did. I feel better. And apparantly we took pictures. More than that actually. haha :)

Btw, my mum just reminded me of Olevels. She's frightening the hell out of me man. Haha. I don't wish to think of Olevels, but i know I gotta face it though. I don't wana think too much about it. It doesn't get me any better which supposedly is, but not for me I guess. And she's planning to get a teenage male tutor for me who's from RJC. MALE?! How the hell am I gonna communicate with him? And i'm going to spend my 2 hours once a week with him. Oh no. I'm not comfortable. Can't she find me a female one? -_-

i don't wana see you.

Thanks.

The irony.

2009-12-26T06:31:00.000-08:00

I look funny here.

For the first time, i woke up at 11.15am!!!!

I swear, I've never woken up that late before. I was wide-eyed the minute I looked at the clock once I got up. Haha.

There weren't many things happened today. Basically there was a band meeting that I had to attend to, and spent quite some time doing the stuff we were supposed to do. Spraying pegs was one of the interesting things to do. Kinda ironic actually. Haha. And my junior went to spray GOLD on one strand of my hair! Wooo, cool! :)

Oh by the way, when i was on my way to school, I realised people have been staring at me for no reason. I wondered if my shirt had a hole or something. I could already hear my heart thumping in my ears -_-. Man was I frightened!

Started on POA, but stopped halfway since I couldn't really remember how to do them. Really. Blank. The first thought that came on my mind was going out to study with peeps. Man i need their help on this. I'm not really good in that subject.

---

By the way, i remembered a few incidents. It was totally amusing!

------------

Earlier on with band mates,

Michael : Dhaniah, you're sec2 right?

Kaibin and I stared at each other. It took us a few seconds for us to start laughing. Haha :D

Me :Haha no i'm sec 3!

Kaibin : Haha you look young lah!

Me : No! My parents keep saying I look like 18... 19..

Kaibin : Haha! That's so old! You don't like one at all, not a single bit. Hahah!

---------

When i went to my father's workplace,

Father's friend 1 : Hmmm. How old do you think she is?

Father's friend 2: hmmmmmm. 11? (spoke in chinese)

Father's friend 1: Huh! He said you're 11!

Me : Hahahahaha! No no no.. I'm not!

Father : Hahah, she's 15!!!

Gosh. 11?! That's way off the fact! Haha. Didn't know that I look that young. I thought I looked old!

I'm glad things are working out.

Check this out.

2009-12-25T09:04:00.000-08:00

CHARICE PEMPENGCO.

I was totally blown away.

By this amazing young lady.

I promise you, she's got a giant talent. She's got a great voice, and mind ya, she's 17 this year. And she owns an amazing heart. I was absolutely touched and I realised I'd never fail to cry each time I viewed her videos on youtube. Check her out, she's extraordinary.

Her life story was a painful one. And seeing her successful now, I'm so proud of her. She's totally inspired me and I'd like very much to follow her as an example. She's just... admirable.

And I can't wait to see her on tv this Sunday on Singapore Idol! Better watch!

I'm prepared to cry again.

Breathe in, breathe out.

2009-12-24T22:11:00.000-08:00

I swear, with every drop of my blood, that I'm currently shutting my ears off from the aggravating noise.

I feel so restless, like I'm caged and I have been fidgeting unreasonably since the past few hours. The freaking noise is ticking me off like with every fiber of my being. If only I could..... smash it into pieces until i can see not even a single piece of it lying on the floor.

I'd rather go out than rotting like hell at home. It's a freaking lot better, I tell you. I was already concentrating practising my maths but very very unfortunately, someone just distracted and annoyed the hell out of me. And i'm still trying to breathe.

Back to the start. Sorry, I was terribly distracted by some creatures though.
Well, yesterday went out with Ash, Rena and Smartie Liting. ^^
I'm very relieved indeed, and glad that I've finally completed my maths homework!!!!!!! And I've understood more of how to do certain questions. Well, my maths has been deproving a whole lot which is why. But i'm still left with,
POA, AMATHS, ENG, GEOG. Oh bummer.

Rena,we should've taken pictures! Haha. Ash was being sooo lame. I remembered laughing a lot yesterday.

When we were eating at LJS.....

Me : I wonder how they melt the cheese.

Ash : Alah, how come you dont know? It's just--

Me: Ya ya I know. Take the normal cheese and melt it right?

Ash : Ah ya!

Me : But I don't think so. There's a particular way.

Ash : That's the secret of LJS.

Me : What's the secret then?

Ash : Ya lah.It's a secret! How are we supposed to know?

Me : -_-

And btw,

MERRY CHRISTMAS to those who celebrate :)

p.s : still surviving with the flu :(

Maybe I should stop fantasizing. It's getting no better.

2009-12-23T07:50:00.000-08:00

I don't know why, i love this picture a lot. haha.
Miss ya babe. We need to meet up sooooon.
I miss these people like crazy :(

I miss our laughters.

PLUS ZAKIAH!

I really need to take a pic with you. We haven't take one since the start of the year! :(

I'm kind of beat, literally and physically, even though I haven't been doing much the whole day today.

I gave band a miss today. Man, I miss my section like only God knows. Sorry peeps I didn't manage to turn up. I had a hard time enduring with the horrible cramps. I had never felt this pain before. Usually it wouldn't be this terrible. I could hardly stand even, I practically cried because of the unbearable pain.

I miss my 2nd home. The library. It's always been a home to me. The readers, writers, books. They're my people. What else do I need when I've got books to keep me alive? They've always made me alive, in every way. And i'm dying to go there. Glad that i've made plans with Smartie to visit the library tomorrow :)

I need to complete my homework as well. I'm kinda relieved I've taken a step to doing the undone assignments. Can't help worrying about them. But i'm really going to study tomorrow, insya'Allah.

I can't explain how thankful I am to have my dear friends with me.. Alhamdulillah. I hope we stay strong. I don't know what I'd do without them.
May Allah bless y'guys peeps. Thanks a million for the concern.
Really.

Shit happens at times.

2009-12-21T14:07:00.000-08:00

There's a big hole in my chest.

It's the cause of everything, cause of the changes that have been occurring.

I can no longer pretend. It's overpowering. Everything seem to contradict to the whole purpose of it, but I never realised what it was.

It's undescribable. The mixed emotions... they've been stirring inside of me, I have no idea which is getting the better of me. The darkness seems to find it's way here so easily, been hovering the light when it used to shine so bright. Or in other words, it seems so far, yet so near. It's just devastating on just how things have been going at times.

I never knew what the missing piece is. Where, even. I have yet to figure it out.

Or I'm still feigning I don't know.

Silence speaks louder than words.

Screw it, my hp's spoilt.

2009-12-20T04:35:00.000-08:00

Tell me you miss me ;P

I miss texting people. Especially dumb. Haha.

Today was damn boring, honestly. Whenever I spaced out, I tend to think of my homework -_-. Okay, i keep talking about it but I couldn't help myself. I'm kinda scared actually. But I just couldn't seem to bring myself down to do them. Part of me is trying to overpower me to control myself, reminding myself what's right and wrong. okay I shall do it. Make sure I finish them by next Sunday at least?

By the way, guess I should share with ya guys something.

My mum has been reminding me to be a career-minded woman. I don't understand why she did that at this moment, and it's like as if she can read my mind, on whatever's happening to my life. I hope not, haha. It would be embarrassing.

But the more I remind myself, the harder it takes for me to restrain myself from thinking about it.

2009-12-16T17:14:00.000-08:00

Happy 6th Birthday to my dear cousin, Nabilah.
Doesn't she look pretty with the scarf on her head? She looks so sweet.

She's the one I babysit, well not only her, including her siblings as well. Apparantly my love for kids have eventually grown. A day of not seeing them makes me miss them, so much.

Love is undefined. That's the definition of love.

2009-12-15T14:06:00.000-08:00

Take 1.

We disagreed, it's too decent.

Take 2.

Disagreed again, too blur.

Take 3.
Annoyed but still smile, cos it's still slightly blur.

It's ironic to see someone laughing when she's angry.

Back to the same old story.

Been lazing around at home, chitchatting with cousins, joking around, had movie marathon. (at home, haha)

The fear inside of me is rising, I can feel it. I do not wish for the next month to arrive. Or either I hope plans will change so it'll be better. Well i dont know.

I haven't even completed my homework, lazy me. Bad isn't it? Maybe I should start on English and Chem, since they're my favourite subjects. So much for jotting down the assignments that are needed to complete, i've misplaced my notebook. -_-

Besides that, i'm currently hoping for my computer to come back. Otherwise, my friends will be annoyed with me. Thanks to the internet, of course. *roll eyes. Hahaha. Nah joking. They know who they are, though. :P

I have been thinking a lot lately. And somehow the path got into a wrong direction, because I started thinking about my embarrassing moments. Random. -_-. I could feel my cheeks turning scarlet. Lol. Secret, secret.

By the way, i'd like to share a joke, thanks to my cousin. I find it funny though.

-----

A is horizontally changed, who weighs 80kg and of height 155.

B is vertically challenged, who weighs 46kg and of height 155.

B : Let's see who can jump the highest!

They raced.

B : A, you can't jump at all!

A : I can't jump, but i can hop!

B : But you can't hop either!

A : What to do, the gravity pulls me down.

Get the joke?

Hahahahahaha.

I find it funny, for those who understand.

Don't think too much, don't think too much.

2009-12-14T06:14:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Syaza for the picture above.

My body's aching real bad. I've been wanting someone to massage my neck or something. Otherwise I'll have difficulties walking properly -_-.

By the way, gonna highlight about today.

Today was fun. Very fun, because I finally get to meet my mates. I missed them like crazy.

At first, faizah and I planned to meet up in the library and study there as well. But it was all because of me that they, aisya and faizah, got to study only for an hour. My apologies. I was dying to go home. I didn't feel good, since the start of the day. And moreover, when the clothing i wore didn't turn out nice, it ruined my mood even more. Lol, crap but still.

Pestered them to come to my grandmother's house. That's when Syaza joined us. Many things happened, haha. Took pictures, etc. It seemed good, to be walking toegether in a line,horizontally i mean. Went to Mac, and thanks to Syaza for treating us the ice-creams. They were wonderful :)
Hope to meet up again. Great misses.

Speaking of library, i'm pleasantly glad that i've got books to accompany me from rotting at home in boredom. Keeps me alive, which explains why it's been my hobby.

By the way, i'll update another ghost story okay? Next post, I mean. It's already 10+ pm. I don't really dare to write it down now. Heh.

p:s : Aisya, you're BAD-man. hahahaha! I'm SUPER-man! Remember the inside joke? :P

I do realise there are people who care for me. Thanks a million :)

2009-12-10T03:46:00.000-08:00

Isn't she adorable? It's my little cousin. She looks exactly like a chinese, dont you agree? Chinese blood.

Sorry haven't been updating. Had been away for a while.

I had been dreading this particular event. I'm trying to avoid it the best as I can. I just don't feel like it, it's hard to say. But I'm dying to go out. I'm glad I've managed to go to the library to borrow a couple of books. Keeps me from boredom, otherwise my mood will be ruined for nothing.

Faizah came to visit me. Okay not exactly. She came to collect her stuff, and spent time together for a number of hours. And girl,thanks for treating us KFC. Guess I need to treat you something then. Haha.

Btw, came across a book, about best friends supposedly said. Well, speaking of which, i'm glad I've got great friends, who are concern of me, who's there whenever I'm in need, who knows what i dislike/like, who really understands my feelings and do something about it, who makes an effort to make me feel better in every way, who doesn't only use me as her/his listening ear for the sake of listening. If you wish someone to listen to you, make sure you do the same thing to that person. Do it sincerely. But some prefer to confide in than to listen.. That's bad.

I know i've got awesome friends. And i'm proud of that. Best friend is just a name.

2009-12-02T22:12:00.000-08:00

Been 4 days I've been struggling with the difficulties breathing. I thought it could heal as soon as possible, but turned out i was wrong. Would be back like the old days, the asthma's getting worse.

I couldn't walk as far as I could before anymore. I had to stop each time I took a metre or something, somewhat. But still, I gotta live with it.

Something caught my attention on tv and I thought of participating it. But before i could think further, it dawned on me about my undone assignments. Oh God. oh well.

Oh and New moon's out. I'm practically screaming, but turned out gaping instead.

By the way, check this out.
A girl and a guy, having their chat in msn.

Boy : Hey you not asleep yet?
Girl : Yea soon. Are you going to sleep soon?
Boy : I guess. My mum's been calling for me.
Girl : Then I think you'd better go.
Boy : Nah it's alright. I'm currently stalling for time.
Girl : Stalling for time?Whatever for? Your mum might scold? you again.
Boy : Nah I'm used to it.
Girl : But hey, you can't get her mad all the time. Moreover, you're sick so it's better if you get some rest.
Boy : Haha. You sound like my mum.
Girl : Haha well, she cares for you which is why.
Boy : So you're saying you care for me.
Girl : It doesn't seem like a question.
Boy : Because it's a statement.
Girl : Whatever you say.
Boy : So you do?
Girl : So it's a question now?
Boy : Well, just to confirm. I wana hear it from you myself.
Girl : You've already made the statement.
Boy : What does that means?
Girl : You've known the answer.

Sometimes you don't need words to explain.

2009-12-01T08:02:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SYAZA.

I LOVE YOU.

MORE THAN YOU KNOW.

I MISS YOU.

MORE THAN I CAN SAY.

I wana meet you asapppppppppppp!!!!!!

2009-11-30T17:42:00.000-08:00

Enjoy every moment you have on Earth. Work on this minute, and improve on the next.

The pictures above are the pictures my sister and I took since we have figured out how to fix the webcam. =_=

Slow right.

Going out tomorrow. Finally. I hate rotting at home.

My body's aching real bad. I could hardly stand straight, and i've been slouching very frequently nowadays. I need someone to massage me, really, otherwise the muscle's wouldn't work anymore. lol.

Since i've another month of holiday, I thought of writing short stories, and collect them in a book or something. It's something I can never get bored of, because it's my all time's favourite. But on a second thought, i've only completed my maths homework. I still have another 5 subjects to go.... so dreadful...

Btw, let me share you a ghost story. Perhaps I'll be updating one once a week at least? So the blog won't be dead and i'll be disadvantaged since no one's gonna visit my blog anymore.

here it goes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GHOST STORY.

It was about 2am. I could feel my shoulders aching. My eyes were closed, I was already half-asleep. I tried to lift my shoulders from the pain, but the pain was unbearable. So I stayed in that position for a little while longer. After a few minutes, I slowly turned to my left to change my sleeping position.

As i was turning, I caught a glimpse of a white figure, standing. Seemed like she's praying. Wearing the telekung and all. It was standing rigidly. I didn't care less much about it so I just turned and squeezed my eyes shut. I thought it was my grandmother.

I couldn't continue sleeping. Something was not right.

Just on that thought, I remembered of the white figure I glanced earlier on. I remembered that I forgot what it was about.I forced myself to look in 'the' direction.

As expected, nothing was there. I breathed in, hard, to calm myself down. Something inside of me urged me to look at the bottom to see if it's there. I knew it was crazy. Another half of me refused to. But it seemed that urge to find out got the better of me.

So i did.

Guess what?

2009-11-28T05:37:00.000-08:00

Eww this pic.

I'm all nauseated. I woke up feeling disoriented, and my throat aching. But I was oblivious to the pain as I was looking forward to today. Apparantly, to no avail. It didn't turn out as good as i thought it would be.

Got back from Band camp. It had finally ended, yes. I don't wish to explain anything about it. No hard feelings. I don't even wana think about it.
Reached home feeling so drained out right down to the bones. After all those intensive practices, I knew my eyebags had gotten much worse. Nah, it'll heal soon.

And by the way, happy belated raya haji to all muslims. It was enjoyable though, and as per normal, received $$$$! Hahaha.

I had been eating and sleeping all day. Lazypig. I've been feeling so angry at myself for no reason. And I hate anger. But the more I try to cool it off, the more I could feel the anger rising. Regret, disappointment. I could even feel my eyebrows furrowed in frustration every now and then.

I miss the past terribly. I want my oldself. I hate my current self. I don't feel clean. I could feel more dirt coming on to me. I want that sincerity back. I want back the remarkable calmness in me, as before.I could feel the change occurring.

Perhaps I can't be too nice. I should be myself. Be ignorant at the right times.
Yeah.

Sometimes I wish my wishes will come true.

2009-11-21T06:11:00.000-08:00

Days have been passing in a painful blur. Feeling all unusually agitated.

Today sucks. I could have died out of boredom.

The day was cold. I was in a deep slumber until the endless bleatings of the alarm clock. I woke up feeling woozy. That was when I know that the day wouldn't turn out good. I could just puke this very minute.

Did merely nothing at all. Except the completion of maths homework. I thought I felt worse after doing them. It made me realise how unprepared I am about studies. It just doesn't feel good.

I was back to my own world. The bad habits i mentioned, memories looming back into my head. As I mulled this over, I knew I had never stopped missing those little moments. Ya, I know I gotta stop this.

Reminding myself, there's band camp, band camp, band camp.

Oh dear. Utterly dreading, honestly. Sorry, but not looking forward to it at all. Ask me why, I've no reason for it. Just drop the subject.

I miss those moments, with every sense in the word there is.

2009-11-18T05:39:00.000-08:00

GREAT.

I'VE BLOGGED FOR ABOUT 3 TIMES.
AND AN ERROR OCCURED.
VERY GOOD.
I wrote a freaking long post and now I realised how vain my attempts had been.
Those lunatics flipped me out.
I think you should get a mirror and look at yourself in it before spitting crude remarks, judging and commenting unneccessarily. They're useless. I mean seriously. It doesn't affect us. It won't. It will, in your dreams.
You may be rich in knowledge, but ZERO in personality.
You're nothing but a conceited ego boost.
I don't need that excessive favorable opinion of yours.
I listened to you like a total snoop. The stupidest mistake i've ever made.

I don't entertain crasses, bigots and lunatics like you.
You're a blundering,lumpish creature.
What a perfect example.

okay now it feels great after spilling everything to Fatin and Babe.

2009-11-01T05:47:00.000-08:00

I didn't turn up for school last Friday. Damnnnnn, this girl, (picture shown above) , made me love her even more. Know why?

Because her actions explain it all.

She calls me when I'm sick.

She listens to every single word I said, even though how crap it can be. =_=

She knows what's right for me.

A lot lah. I know she's reading my blog, jgn kembang eh babe! haha.

Well, there's also another friend who does it in a very different way.

She knows who she is, because she's the only person who calls me dumbdumb.

=_=.

And other few friends of course. They know who they areeee:D.

Honestly, I'm still sick. Both my eyes were swollen and I look like a monster. For a day, i looked absolutely ugly to the extent that I could hardly look at myself in the mirror. I could hardly lift my eyes open. It was awful. It was hideous. I wish I don't have to face it again, really.

Currently having slight fever, but I know i still have to turn up for school tomorrow. It's dreadful, for now. Don't ask me why. I don't feel like going to school these days. Pms agaknye.

I don't know why but I really, absolutely, downright despise those who think they're so great and showing off what they have. Or either, some are trying to act good, and indirectly trying to imply that they've done something good.

It's irritating the hell out of me mannnnnnn.

hahahah.

Takpe lah, asalkan dorang bahagia.

BTW, WHO WANTS TO WATCH 2012?

Ask me along okay?

2009-10-31T06:58:00.000-07:00

I feel terrible.
Very terrible.

I need someone to talk some sense into my head now.
But to no avail.

No point elaborating.

2009-10-28T05:39:00.001-07:00

She is Babe.

My skin's cold. I had looked at myself in the mirror and seen dark circles like moons under my eyes. I'm all worn out, no kidding. I wana upload the photos so badly, but gotta wait for Rena to appear online before blogging. But oh wells, its been long since I last updated right? I could say it's been about a week though.

I had a dragonboat activity earlier on and how other ways could I tell you how fun it was. Well, mostly because of the water. Haha, i love watersports! Getting all wet is cooool. I felt great doing it with the class. The memories of sec3 camp came flooding back into my head, and eventually make me miss those moments!

Which in turns, getting everyone so jubilated and getting the smiles back on our faces.

Now that i'm cold, I have been sneezing for the past few hours. My eyes are all droopy I could hardly open them. God, don't tell me i'm sick again. I remember us getting caught in the rain in the middle of the reservoir =_=. No wonder I feel sick.

I thought of going to the beach today. Cancelled for the 2nd time.

I hope there's another next time.

And i'm absolutely nervous for this coming Friday.

2009-10-21T00:56:00.000-07:00

I have 2 choices.

It's either I smile in satisfaction, or swear every word I know.

One just told me about my good results, whilst another callous one just blew me off.

But I think, the anger got the better of me. I'm very much aware that my patience is currently skating on a very thin ice.

I. Am. Very. Well. Livid. Now. And. I. Am. Trying. My. Best. To. Control.

I couldn't believe myself reading a dyke's book. Omg, gross. The minute I found out about the person turning into a dyke, I feel like puking on that very moment. Can you imagine, most of the characters turning into dykes? It was really driving me insane.

I didn't turn up for school today. I had to suffer with the sneezes. Unbearable. Yes.

Do something to distract me. She's been getting on my nerves. It really ticks me off.

2009-10-19T03:20:00.000-07:00

ALL THANKS TO SYAZA FOR THESE PHOTOS!:)

LOVE YA BABE.

I'm glad that exams are finally over. It drove me insane. Many things happened. And now I can say goodbye to my 'All As'. Sigh.

And tomorrow's the day when either I breakdown or jump with glee. What can I do, I can't possibly undo what's already done. I've given my best shot, so I leave everything to Him.

By the way, i'm sorry I haven't been updating. Told you I could only blog right after exams are over. Well not only that, I've to endure with this lagging laptop. I've no idea when will it be fixed. It seemed like ages for my computer to 'recover'.

I don't feel like going to school tomorrow. I do it only for the sake of friends. What other reasons do I have? And besides, I'm not feeling well. Like always. I'm already used to it.

Speaking about friends, I miss them, with every fiber of my being. I'm grateful to have such good friends around me. I don't know how I could survive without them. I'll upload their pictures tomorrow:)

It didn't rain today :(

I don't feel good.

I'm supposed to go out today. But.....yeah. It's upsetting that I've to stay at home.

2009-09-26T01:51:00.000-07:00

I was reading a love story, and I refused to continue reading when I realised I felt nothing. Nothing at all. I had been so accustomed to the tingling feeling each time I read a love story, but i couldn't feel a single thing, or rather, I wasn't at all into the story. It's like looking through a closet of emotions, searching for the right one to suit the occasion when really, you felt nothing at all.

This is wrong. Completely wrong.

Everything had changed so much so quickly. I realised I had been completely removed from the life I'd known, to the extent I don't know who I am today. What's happening. It just felt so wrong.

I wished it rains today, but it didn't. I waited again, but it didn't. If not, the day would turn out perfect. I feel so dry, inside out. I couldn't sleep a wink earlier on, although I've forced myself a couple of times to sleep., which brought me here. And i'm glad enough that my internet has finally gotten back it's senses. It's exasperating having to wait for it's 'recovery'. I had been longing to blog eversince the first day of Hari raya. I had already formed words in my head but my efforts were apparantly futile. Annoying.

I'm all alone at home. It's pure heaven having the place all to myself. But on the negative side, I'd be back to my bad habit again, pondering over very small things and ending up hurting myself. Annoying, annoying, annoying.
I need to be around friends.

I can't help it. I miss the past so terribly. But at the same time, I wish it hadn't happen. So I wouldn't be feeling so uneasy like this all the time. The big hole inside of me, it's healing! I'm glad it is. So I should stop thinking like this.
I must get back to studying, which I'm supposed to be doing now. I need to excel in studies before getting engaged in all these stuff. I know i can, i know i can.

Perhaps I won't be blogging till exams are over.

I wish I hadn't recognised what it was. Or the meaning. Or the whole thing. It's no longer in my dictionary. It's totally contradicting to the actual meaning, like seriously.

2009-09-14T02:55:00.000-07:00

You left me feeling bemused and distant. And now you caught me in an excessive turbulence that I pondered over it almost every single day on how to diminish these disturbances. I had to feign I'm perfectly alright when inside I'm trying my best to get up from the great fall. But i will conceal the truth for as long as I can, for it's not worth having you to know. Forlorn of all hope, the accumulated uncried tears. The yearn for the past is overpowering, and I could still remember how happy and accompanied I was back them. And I'm very certain that this is going to be my last time.

I was feeling all nauseant and air-headed today. I haven't been feeling really well these days and I have no idea what's the cause to this unexpected sickness. Exams' are nearing and I don't wish to fall sick on any of these days.

In spite of the light-headed sensation I had to endure, school was still fine as usual. Especially during Malay lesson when my group had to discuss about the question we were asked to answer. We were prattling like a bunch of small kids, and behaving like we were on our own world. The "conversation" we had was sheer nonsense yet entertaining enough for us to laugh our heads off.

AND FAIZAH WENT TO RECORD A VIDEO OF OUR CONVERSATION. OMG.

IT'S DAMN HUMILIATING OKAY FAIZAH!

eh but i wana see the video again ah, hahaha. Hilarious!

Hahahahahaha. Sometimes when I think back, there is actually nothing for me to be so distressed. I have awesome friends. You are nothing compared to them!:)

2009-09-12T01:21:00.000-07:00

see the difference in height? HAHA!

I had to bend down for this picture =_=. HAHA! :P

I have lost 3 kg. Can you imagine?! Currently 47kg, heavy eh?

Gone to the library with my dearest crazy Adlina. We walked to the library, since I went out of house damn early, like around 9am?
She's so hyper today, and that is good. Hahahahaha. And she PINCHED MY BUTT! How dare sheeeeeeeeeeeee! We were laughing like no one's business when we were on the way to the library,and my sandal kept coming off and it was annoyingly irritating. And Adlina was there laughing at me =_=

Reached the library freaking early. Guess what time?
9.41am, and it was not opened yet. And when we went to sit and got back to the library, we were already surprised by the sudden huge number of students(mostly) crowding the entrance. =_=.

Adlina : Gelojoh betul dorang ni..
Haha!

I've finally completed my social studies assignment. I actually intended to complete ALL my assignments,but due to some reasons we had to leave early.

After library, we headed to Century Square to buy Adlina's stuff, and we came across a lot of attractive clothesssss. We were praising and whining at the same time like almost each time we walked pass the shops. They were so freaking nice! Furthermore, it's SALES! How could I lose the chance... But it's okay eh adlina, we are planning to buy them after hari raye. Heheh.

We didn't really spent quite long since I had to meet my mum in the afternoon. And she bought me a new blouse! (or i think that's what it is called)

And it's freaking niceeeee!

2009-09-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

the day i went to the airport with the girls! :)

photos when i went out to the library(:

It's actually 6 in the morning now. And it's 11th September. Heard of the date? Lol.

My head was spinning hell and i feel like vommitting.

Initially, I couldn't bring myself down to do anything, even. I was so all drained out I felt so helpless. During Amaths class, I could hardly focus and I was trying my best to fight the tempation to sleep. All I wanted to do was to lie on my bed and rest my aching head. Furthermore, right after Amaths class, I had to attend band practice, and the pain got painfully worse. But still, I had fun though with my fellow drummers :)

I had been burning the midnight oil, as usual. At times I forced myself to sleep but I just couldn't bring myself to dreamland, and I don't know why. And ended up sleeping at midnight. Again. Guess what the outcome is? =_=

Having bigger and darker eyebags beneath my eyes. Crap.

Just few more weeks to the arrival of the examination period. It's freaking me out. I'm totally not prepared yet. I intend to do well for this time, and I know I need to work harder.... But then.

Had been mugging and completing homeworks for the past 4 consecutive days. Can't deny I'm worn out right down to the bones, but I know I have to do this. At the same time, it's killing me inside.

At times I terribly miss the past when I enjoyed those moments... Those moments I've never expected to happen to me. But at the same time, it's also unexpected that you left in just a blink of an eye, who got me hanging. And everything else changed. Life's full of surprises ey?

Each time I attend, I try my best to stay away. The reluctance to show up has got the better of me. But you pulled me in and took me by every word I uttered. What are you trying to do?

It's just amazing how someone could smile and laugh when the heart's actually breaking. Because amongst us, no one knows about it, except for myself and I can't help pretending I know nothing anymore.

2009-09-06T17:32:00.000-07:00

I HAVE GOTTEN BACK MY IC! :)
Which means I can go out!

Finally, the endless worries I had been facing have finally come to an end. I couldn't help thinking about it and I could hardly sleep. It was suffocating more than you know. I felt like banging my head on the wall for being so careless and irresponsible.

Thank God it's already found thanks to my sister. A passenger found my wallet in the bus, as expected, and handed it over to the service counter at Tampines Inter. Alhamdulillah. Even though I have no idea who the person is, still, may God bless him/her. Otherwise, i would have to pay a large sum of money for losing my IC. Well, large enough for me.

And thanks to my buddies who had been constantly and patiently comforting me about it, who have listened to my complaints. Haha, I do feel bad at times since I've troubled them enough. A million thanks!

Apart from that, I need to go to the library. Urgent. My language hasn't been consistent and I need to brush upppppp.

"Alah dhaniah, ni sume monkey love la. Gerek pe ngan kawan, kat dunia ni bukannye ade satu je. Lebih dari beribu oi!" - a good friend of mine.
Haha, I couldn't help laughing. It's definitely true.

okay, i'm going out now! Give it a thought.

2009-09-03T05:17:00.000-07:00

I LOST MY WALLET.
and that includes my IC.

I want to cryyyyyyyyyy :(

When I first knew that I had lost my wallet, I went back to Tamp interchange to make a report. But know what? This lady from the service counter really got on my nerves!!!!! Like seriously.
I was already panicking like a stupid person and having unpleasant stares from those around me, it was already killing me. And this lady could still raise her voice at me =_=. I was expecting help from her, but instead of helping me to find a way out, she judged me by saying i was slow in making reports etc. Wthhhh, i just lost it and i was already rushing to make the report, but she could still say I was slow and got angry for no reason. Whoa, thank goodness I'm fasting. If nottt, I'd just slam her right on the face. I hate getting scolded for no reason. Moreover, I was already in a bad situation and she was there making the situation even worse!

Told more than 4 people about it. Seriously, i was freaking worriedddddd.

Oh btw, i just passed my Emaths and Geog =_=. Never mind, I thought I'd fail. And there were like only 12 passes that passed emaths? Omg.... I seriously need to buck up. I have to. I will. I have to score for end of year. No slacking this time.

You can never find any better medicine than to laugh and enjoy with your friends/loved ones around you.

2009-08-31T22:30:00.000-07:00

I like the rain. It's cold. My wish was granted afterall. It's drizzling.... with the wind brewing and the leaves dancing to the beat of the wind.

I had just completed revising Physics. But there were still some questions I haven't managed to answer, and I'm worried. What else, I requested for a last minute tution for today. It was annoying leaving blanks. I need confidence to sit for the test.

I'm dead bored today. I intended to go out today, just anywhere to clear the mess in my head. And Rena reminded me of Double Choc. Omg....... I've been craving for double choc. When are we going out again?! Haha.

Faizah called me this morning. And we were talking about random topics about grooming our rooms. =_=. The thought of it made me remind me of painting my room blue, well, for Hari Raya preparation. Heh.

Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I'm like missing my friends so much!

I have learnt not to get emotionally involved. Sucks big time.